HaNiCoMb

2003-06-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

Okay . . . so I just got home from Andrew's, and in his car he still had his parking permit thing up from Del Mar, so I decided to take it and post it and scan it with the directions too.

While we were at the actual fair we took "strip pictures" and we also bought the hydroslide picture. I wish we bought the Crazy Mouse picture that we had, but it's alright. So here are those two. Or actually three . . . I'm gonna repost the other strip picture one since most people are probably too lazy to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page to see the other one.

2003-06-16T22:09:00.001-07:00

Del Mar pictures are here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's Ramon's opening.

Otea Tahiti

Otea Te Fenua

Pa'hae/Pa'ea

He Mele No Kihawahine

He Mele No Lilo

Ula No Weo

Pua Mana

Pua Carnation

Hi'ilawe

Nani Wale

Kamate

Karanga

Hoki Hoki

Temanu

Hotera Bora Bora

Otea Temanu

Maeva

Pa'ea

Okay . . . so these are only some of the pictures that I have from Del Mar. Let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed =)

2003-06-16T22:09:00.000-07:00

Okay so me and Daniel were confirmed on June 7th, 2003. Here are a couple of pictures after the long mass that we were in.

Let's start with Daniel's pictures first.

Here's a picture of Dan and Mom.

Here's Auntie Mary and Daniel. (GeEeZ Dan you're too tall.)

Me and Dan

Dan, Mom, and Me.

Dad, Me, and Mom.

And of course . . . last but not least, Me and my Hubbie =) (Gosh beb, you're so sexy!)

I know that these aren't all of the pictures, but I've still gotta upload them from the camera. Since tomorrow is Del Mar Fair with the halau, Mom'll probably be taking TONS of pictures, and I'll probably be posting them later. So enjoy for now! Come back every now and then and see if there are anymore pictures. =)

2003-05-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

WhoOoOoOo! Credit goes to Uncle Ed "Buck". Thanks for e-mailing me all these pictures. (F.Y.I. All the comments that are of these pictures, are not from me, they're comments from my uncle.

SoOoOoOo . . . without further A-do . . . here we go!

Must be a beach theme because that looks like sand on the Birthday Cake.

The Couple

Annie and Joannie (ha-ha)

Can't take her ANYWHERE!

Michelle and cry-baby

Jeannie's single and looking for a new man (Josh)

Geremy and Annie

Geremy trying to dribble the ball with style.

I had to stop him from dribbling, he was embarassing himself.

Mahani and Dad looking for a lighter, Look at the two in back amazed by the fish.

Gemielle's damn phone even makes toast. Another damnit doll kid.

Look at the two kids staring at Andrew's ears. (Beb! I love you! I love your ears too! =D)

This kinda looks like a wedding picture to me.

Everyone singing happy birthday and Andrew trying to remember the words. (b-duh, b-duh, to who?)

Mahani blowing out her candles and Andrew happy that the singing is over.

Michelle and Glenn

Michelle's thinking ("I smell bacon")

Uncle Buck and Darrion

Four kids that don't own a comb and three kids that do.

What are brothers for . . . to SMACH cake in your pretty face!!! Daniel that was a good one.

Brotherly love.

I think this is an old high school picture of Josie and Mike. They haven't changed a bit.

Finally a family photo with no one else around.

Isa, dalawa, tatlo . . . ay putang I can't pollow you! Slow down naman.

Pollow me dis way and watch carepully.

Stupid photographer took the picture too quick and didn't move the camera strap.

Take 1 . . . everyone keep your eyes open.

Take 2 . . . everyone try to look normal, not scared.

Take 3 . . . let's try this one last time, just try to look cool.

Group photo . . . damn all these kids are dark.

I changed the camera settings to lighten up the picture and they're all STILL dark.

Shake what your mama gave ya . . .

Okay watch my feet . . .

No one's dancing, let's play Ring-Around-the-Rosie.

Stupid photographer had his finger on the flash.

Mommy who is my Daddy? I think it's that man over there.

Geremy STILL trying to learn how to dribble the ball.

Was it me or did anyone else notice that Gemielle was doing all of the work cleaning up?

Just in case you didn't notice Josie kept taking off her bifocals for every photo opportunity.

Mike thinking to himself. "damn I'm still hungry".

Lichon Boy . . . all he needs is an apple in his mouth.

Even though Daniel's bigger than Uncle Buck, Uncle Buck can still spank him.

Look at these two cuties.

Jeannie's getting desperate and trying to pick up on any little boy now.

Geremy watch closely this is how to dribble.

This kid looks like he belongs in a Japanese cartoon with that damnit doll hairdo.

Mr. Photographer, can you take a picture of me?

Don't be surprised if you get a SPAM e-mail with Joanne's picture asking you to go to her porn site.

Cleaning up.

Your boyfriend isn't looking, can I please touch your hair Rapunzel?

Joanne, you are setting a bad example for kids. Porn girls are supposed to act lady like.

Uncle Ed and Mahani the Birthday Girl.

Mahani and Josie

Well I hope you enjoyed! Pretty fun comments my uncle has there. I still have picture from Jostin's digital camera, but those'll be coming later. I've gotta do more work for that.

2003-04-30T15:06:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Happy!
|Hearing| I'm Doing Just Fine - Boys II Men
|Tasting| Nothing at the moment
|Smelling| Happiness =) (My lotion)
|Feeling| Excited and so . . . sixteenish! =D

Well first off . . . I wanna say . . . Happy Birthday to Me! =)

Well Mom was the first one to wish me a Happy Birthday. After that everyone kinda did it randomly. =) I got lots of Happy Birthday's on the bus and at school. I got a card from my VERY LOVING LOVELY sister (I love you Ate!). Another card from Greg with a couple bills. You know ;D. Throughout the day I got more wishes and a couple that especially made me smile. During lunch today my sister made a dedication to me, because they were playing music. And I couldn't do anything but sit and smile. And then again in sixth period, she told everyone in the class and wrote on the board, "Happy Birthday Mahealani <3/Ate". That really made me happy. And well, I still have a whole night to look forward to presents and more wishings of "Happy Birthday's" and all that good stuff. So I won't make this too long, maybe I'll blog about my day later.

Time 2:53 PM

Entry from Nik's blog =D
HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN MAHANI!!!
i love you! =)

Birthday wishes (already!)

WuN gHeTtO gHuRl: happy birfday!!
TALL GHURL: HAPPY BiRTHDAY MAHANi!! HOPE YOU GOT MY TEXT.. LOVE YA GHURL!
oh5hitizJOSTIN: happy birthday mahani

WhOoOoOoOo man I love you guys! =D

2003-04-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Tired and sick . . .
|Hearing| I Love You - Dru Hill
|Tasting| Pink Lemonade - Kool-Aid
|Smelling| Not a thing, I can't smell anything
|Feeling| Like kaka . . .

Well I didn't go to school today . . . Wasn't feeling all that great. I woke up last night at about 3:00 in the morning and went to the bathroom, thinking that maybe I had to go pee or something. Ended up throwing up everything that was in my stomach and crying while it was all happening. I started to walk around the house and find my mom because that hadn't happened to me in a long time. Ended up crying harder because my mom wan't even home. I called her cell phone a bunch of times to figure out where she was and why she wasn't home and I didn't get an answer. Called Andrew and cried even harder while he tried to comfort me and figure out what he could do to help. There wasn't much that he could do, but I felt really bad because I did wake him up and he was tired. He said not to worry about it and said that I should try to go back to sleep and if I didn't feel any better to call him so that we could talk more. He also said that if I didn't feel better by 6:00 that I shouldn't go to school, but just stay home and take it easy. I told him okay and that I loved him and that I would try to go to sleep. We hung up and I fell asleep and tried to think of why I was throwing up, and then realized that maybe it was something I ate. But it couldn't have been, I was at Andrew's yesterday and all we ate was McDonalds and this rice stuff that his mom cooked. So then I thought about what happened, realized that I took Donovan's pillow and slept with it. He was sick with the stomach flu the day before. Got so mad at myself and threw the pillow across the room. I ended up falling asleep at about 4:00 A.M..

Auntie Annie came into the room at about 6:00 this morning and told me to get up so that I could go to school. I told her that I wasn't feeling well and that I wasn't going to school. The next thing I knew my mom was in the room asking me what was wrong and what I was doing up at 3:00 this morning. I told her that I threw up and that I didn't feel well, and she said to just fall back asleep. About two minutes after she told me that, her phone rang. She told me to pick it up because she told me that Andrew was trying to call me all morning. I picked up the phone and talked to him a little bit and told him I wasn't going to school because I really didn't feel all that much better. He asked me if he could finish getting ready and that he would call me after he was done getting ready and on his way to school. I told him okay and ended up going back to sleep. He called me about half an hour later and said to drink a lot of juice, and that he knew how I was feeling. I told him that he'd better go because class was gonna start soon. He told me he loved me and I told him the same and we hung up and I went back to sleep. Every now and then he'd send me a text message and tell me that he loves me and that he's thinking of me, and to feel better. So every now and then, I would send him back messages and tell him the same.

I woke up at about 12:00 and somehow migrated to the living room and told mom that my fever hadn't gone down, but it went up. She gave me tylenol as I layed down on the couch with the puppies and a wet washcloth on my forehead. Not too long after I had been really upset because of something that happened. I didn't show it but I sent a message to Andrew, telling him how mad and upset I was. He told me to calm down and then tried to change the direction of how I was feeling and asked me when we were gonna go and get my ring fitted. I couldn't help but smile and then feel happy that at least some people care about how I feel.

Well right about now, I'm feeling a lot better. My fever has gone down and I can walk around the house like nothing happened, without having to feel light-headed. Andrew called me right after he got out of class and asked how I was feeling and said that I did sound a lot better. I couldn't help but feel better after hearing his voice again. I told him that he couldn't come over today, and that I wasn't sure that we'd even be able to go out tomorrow because I didn't know if I'd be better by then. But mom said that I should be fine and that she thinks that it'd be fine if I did. A little something to look forward to tomorrow.

I sent Auntie Janet a message not too long ago about not knowing if I'd be able to go to Uncle Randy's Ho'ike tomorrow but that I'd try, and that I'd let her know as soon as I could.

Now I'm just sitting, hoping that I'd get better . . . hopefully sooner than later. But I do feel a lot better. And I just wanted to leave a little note for everyone one at school, I hope that you guys didn't miss me too much ;D But I'll be okay. I missed you guys. Hopefully I'l be better by Monday. I'm pretty sure I will be.

2003-04-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| Running On Empty - Dj Trashy
|Tasting| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Smelling| This new spring hand soap thing. Smells good =)
|Feeling| >_< I need I say more?

Today was a pretty ordinary day. A day back at school from Spring Break was actually pretty tiring. I was really suprised that I was this tired all day. Ordinary day at school. Nothing new happening, nothing new ever really happens but lets recap anyway.

Well before school I called my beb a BAJILLIONS times but I guess he thought I was someone else since he wasn't answering and I was calling from my sister's phone. He finally called back and we talked for a while about how much we missed each other already since it was so hard to leave yesterday. That started my day off on a good note.

First Period PE
Well it was back to workout mode for PE. Suited up and stretched in the Activity Room like usual, jogged a lap around the courts and went straight to the weight room. Excercised a little, got pretty tired of all of it, so went outside to jump rope while Bie and Ate complained about me having too much energy early in the morning. PE ended soon and then it was off to the wonderful world of Spanish.

Second Period Spanish
Well today for Spanish I forgot my book. We needed our books, but luckily I've got some pretty kewl friends so they shared with me. I sat with Kosque and Mylene the whole period and practically did nothing. What a boring class. Now off to chem.

Third Period Chemistry
Well today for chemistry I forgot my notebook. (I seemed to be pretty forgetful today.) I was copying notes down blindly not knowing exactly what to copy. Pretty easy day today, learned about acids and bases. Most stuff I already knew from chemistry in eighth grade.

Fourth Period Algebra
Algebra was fun as usual. Dylan, Mercedes, and Alex, and Sergio crack me up. We learned some trigonometry today. SOH CAH TOA! WhOoOoOo! Fun stuff. (Yeah right). We were only learning all that because we're taking the CAT 6 next week, and most of our teachers want us to do good. (Besides, we did beat La Jolla last year in scores ;D).

Lunch
Lunch was just alright. I got to talk to Andrew, but that was probably the only thing that was pretty good about lunch. I gave out SOME invites, but I brought empty envelopes to school today (empty envelopes, what was I thinking?!). Hung out with everyone, and did nothing basically.

Fifth Period History
In this class we had a substitute and we practically did nothing. I tried to finish up Chapter 24 but it ended up not happening. I send Andrew a message to tell him that I was thinking of him. But other than those things, pretty boring period.

Sixth Period English
It feels so good to have Mr. Larson back to teach. We started MacBeth today which I think is gonna be pretty kewl. Learned a lot about Shakespeare, but that's about it.

Well there's my boring day. Hope you enjoyed reading. I've gotta get back on track with homework, maybe I'll add something later.

What a disadvantage to me though, I couldn't see my baby today. I felt kinda sad, but it's alright, it's understandable. Tomorrow we're supposed to have our study date. So at least I'll get to see him. I miss you beb! =(

2003-03-18T16:12:00.000-08:00

I seriously feel like crap . . . Stupid visitor . . . eRrGgHh >_<

2003-03-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| Shorty Swing My Way - INOJ
|Tasting| Wheat-Thins (Yum!)
|Smelling| Plum! smells good =D
|Feeling| >_< I need I say more?

Okay . . . no more pictures for right now. I haven't had any new ones to scan, maybe I'll dig up a bunch of old pictures and then post them or something. We'll see. Well I haven't actually "blogged" in a while. So here it goes.

Today was a pretty ordinary day. Nothing really out of the ordinary happened. Not at school, and not really anywhere. Currently, I'm just waiting for Andrew to get here so we can hang out for a while. Tonight me and Andrew are supposed to have dinner with my dad, I really don't know how that's gonna go, or why it's going on. But wish us the best of luck and pray for us. Really . . . pray for us. I'm actually really scared for the both of us right now. Well . . . hmmm, school. Let's get back to my day at school.

First Period PE
This was probably the only class that I actually had fun in. Since there was a blood drive going on at our school I guess for staff, the Activity Room was closed off and we didn't really have a place to go today. We were lead to the side of the guys' locker room and Ms. Scandlon took role as we were stretching getting ready to power-walk or jog on the track for 20 minutes. After stretches and role we started to walk up the little ramp by the basketball courts and since the gate was locked, we were standing there waiting for Ms. Scandlon to open it. So it was about 5 minutes after Ms. Scandlon realized that she didn't have the key that we started on our "walk". We walked back down the ramp and then up the other one to the upper fields. We started to go inbetween the courts and we end up right in the middle of the canyon. We walk all the way down the hill and end up actually going through some homes in UC. Basically the whole time me and Chrissy were walking and talking together about guys and past boyfriends and current boyfriend (Beb notice how I said BOYFRIEND and not BOYFRIENDS, I love you! =D). Quite an interesting conversation the both of us had. First loves and all. Weird to think about, but yeah. So then we walked halfway through the streets and houses and then she takes roll again, trying to figure out if we were all together or not. Turned around, crossed the street and started walking back to school. Still talking about anything and everything. Got back to the dressing room and didn't have that long to change since we were pretty late, and then it was the journey to second period.

Second Period Spanish
Well since we had a sub yesterday for this class, we practically went over everything that we did yesterday with the actual understanding of everything this time. Finished up two sections of bookwork and then that was it for class. Nothing special, I finished up my lab since I really didn't do it. Thanks to Sean I did eventually get it all done. Pretty boring class as usual. We read about some guy that turned into a newspaper (exciting isn't it?). Well that's about it for that class.

Third Period Chemistry
Three days of no chemistry meant hell for me. I was so behind it wasn't even funny. I made up all my work (well kind of =/), but didn't understand any of it. I turned in my homework packet and told Ms. Conway that I really wasn't ready for the test that we were supposed to have today. She said that it was alright and that all I'd have to just make it up. So I went to the backroom with another girl named Veronica that was gone all week last week. All we did was sit back and talk to the T.A. that was back there with us grading tests. From that point on there was no more studying needed. ;D

Fourth Period Algebra
This is a pretty good class I guess you could say. Dylan, Alex, and Mercedes totally just crack me up. We were taught a new lesson and then were given homework that I probably finished in class (>_< I can't remember if I finished in class or not.) While Ms. Coon was checking homework in the beginning of class, she asked me about some an assignment that I missed while I was gone, so I looked everywhere for it and then realized that maybe the class was assigned it when I was out. So I took out my book and looked at the page number that she asked me about and realized that I wouldn't have had it no matter how hard I looked because I didn't do it. So somewhere in the middle of class I told her that I hadn't done it because it wasn't assigned to me, so she gave me the page number and the numbers and then I told her that I'd do it and then show her tomorrow (ErRrGgHh >_< I just realized that I have more math homework). Well anyway, while cracking up and doing work, class soon ended and it was time for lunch.

Lunch
Like usual, me, Michael, and Dylan walked out of class together and walked toward the tables. I had to go bathroom REALLY bad, so I made Michael hold my books while I went to the bathroom. As a joke, I came out of the bathroom with my hands still wet and Michael still holding my books and I wiped my cold wet hands all over his face. I felt really bad afterwards because I had forgotten that he was sick. Turned to Michael and asked if he would be a kind gentleman and escort me to the 200 building where Ms. Lacey's class was in order to get my order forms for "Hokulani", really for our fundraiser. So we walked over there, Sharryl gave me the forms and then we were on our way back to the table. On the way to the table, from a distance, we realized that the special-ed kids took our table again. So we were stuck by the carts on the little bench where everyone is. The whole lunch it was me, my sister, Larry, and Michael hanging out talking about performances and about talent show, while Steven would walk over and make his suprise appearances every now and then. I was messing with Steven since he was being a dork and all Michael was doing was cheering me on. Hilarious stuff. Special-ed kids left a little before lunch ended and we all migrated back to our table. I sat and talked while I ate half of Vera's turkey-sub. Lunch ended and it was time for all of us to walk to the boring world of history.

Fifth Period History
Class started out okay, mostly talking about the war and what would happen and stuff. It got boring after a while so I just fell asleep. Some people see that class as an untitled nap time.

Sixth Period English
English . . . again boring. We had our little reading group things. But that was about it. Nothing interesting happened in here. I was mostly tired than anything.

So there goes my pretty regular school day. Didn't do much but sit around and really sleep. Pretty kick back today. Maybe I'll blog about tomrorow . . . But we'll just have to wait and see. I'm gonna go and call my adoring boyfriend now and figure out where the heck he is. Hahahahaha how funny. Speaking of Andrew, he just called to tell me he left his house and was on his way home (=D aWwWwWw). Well I better get started on my homework, or maybe procrastinate more. Maybe I'll blog a little later about my dinner with my dad and Andrew. Please make sure to pray for me and to wish us luck. I hope he doesn't bite . . . at least not too hard. =/

2003-03-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

Okay . . . I was thinking about posting this sOoOo that people would just look on here and e-mail the stuff to me since I'm not online much. So please yeah . . . read and do =D

If you are currently reading this please leave me (You can just IM me or e-mail me) the following information:
Name: (First and Last)
Street Address:
E-mail Address:
Phone #:
Thanks =) It would be very much appreciated =)

2003-03-15T13:28:00.000-08:00

Okay . . . So yesterday at school Cici or Adriano . . . or really SOMEONE brought pictures from last year and from our very first show as "Shattered Innocence" and from last year and from Cici's birthday. I got bored en I asked to borrow them so that I could scan them and then post them today. So here they are. I hope you like them! =D

Well I guess we could start with pajama day at school. I'm pretty sure that this was around October of last year. It was sprit week, I think for homecoming and we were all dressed up in our pajamas.

Here's a picture of me and Romy chillen and posing for the camera at our table at lunch. If you can see it, Romy doesn't have her pants on yet.

Here are a couple of pictures of the four of us being dorks like we always are.

Here are pictures of the whole group on a rainy day. Actually on Cici's birthday, we were all wet but we had fun that day. But we forgot one thing, to cake Cici!

Last and absolutely not last, here's the pictures of the four of us at St Charles. Our very first show with the four of us, AND as Shattered Innocence but we didn't know that it was gonna be our last.

Before
This is us at Romy's right before we left, we were all as ready as we'd hoped.

The Performance

The "After Party"
This is still at St. Charles but this was after our performance when we were waiting for Romy's dad to pick us up.

Here's a picture of me and my sister.

Here's one of me, Cici, and my sister. (I personally think that this is such an SEXY picture of the three of us =D)

And here's the last one of me and Romy.

Well that's all for now . . . I'm getting bored and I'm waiting for Andrew to come home from his grandma's house. So I guess I'll go and just do some homework.

2003-03-11T09:07:00.000-08:00

Okay . . . If you MUST know . . . yes I am home sick again. I miss everyone! I wish I could've gone to school today, but I guess last night just made me get even more sick. I don't know what the heck is going on with me. I'm never sick . . . I'm usually never sick. Well, yes . . . welcome to the world of being bored. I made a collage of the pictures of me and Andrew so hey, check it out.

Well I hope you like it, it didn't take me that long but it's kinda corny. I'm really new at using photoshop so, it might take me a while to actually get the hang of it.

2003-03-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

Okay . . . so I got really bored . . . I've had these pictures scanned for a long time. I just decided to post them today since I'm sick at home with nothing to do but chores and homework. Since everyone else is at school and at work and doing their thing, I'm sitting here doing mine. Uploading like crazy and being bored. So yes . . . you heard it right . . . I'm sick. It sucks, I hope that you guys had fun at school without me. Here's a couple of pictures of me and Andrew.

Here's a picture of me and Andrew on our very first "outing" together. If you can see the little bear on his lap, that's my bear =). He made it for me that same day.

Here's one of us at the ice-skating rink downtown at Horton Plaza. This was a while ago, sOoOoOo don't think that the rink is still there =P.

Here's one of us on the same day that we were downtown sitting on a funky bench.

It's the same day . . . and this was my suprise. We went to Horton and went ice-skating, and that was the first suprise but this one was even better. We got back on the freeway and got on I-8. Exited beaches and parked at Belmont Park. We took the lunch basket that was full of stuff for sandwhiches and walked down the beach. And this is us sitting there watching the sunset together.

ASB Ball . . . That was a nice night =)

The group picture came out nicer than it usually does, but if you look closely, the guys' boutinerre's are ALL messed up . . . Andrew's is upside down, Larry's rose is gone, Richard doesn't even have one, and Dylan's one is probably the only one that actually intact. Another thing, if you look at the very top of the actual picture, freaking Larry and Andrew are so tall that the background couldn't even cover them. By Larry's head the background ends and it's just the wall of the hotel. Weird how if you look at pictures you can always find something wrong with them.

Eastlake's Sweethearts was even better because this was our first "outing" with us actually being together. =D

Now this picture I liked a lot. Me and my friends've never done anything like it and it was casual. This was halfway through the dance, the bow-ties were off and everyone was casual. Poses were a must but they had to be different. I liked the freedom a lot.

So yeah . . . I'm bored . . . If you can't tell already. I miss everyone . . . especially my beb. But it's alright, at least I'll get to see him later on today. =)

2003-03-10T11:20:00.000-08:00

I know that it's been a while. It's been a really long while. I just wanted to post up some pictures that I recently scanned and wanted to show everyone. So let me know what you think! =)

Here's a picture of Gen, Cici, and me. Hanging out in front of the table.

Me, Romy, Cici, and Gen hanging out again.

Me, Cici and Romy

What the! We look kinda funky in this picture, but here's a nice close up of Romy, Me, and Cici.

2003-02-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

I feel so special! I got a card today from Michael, and a rose (although it was only a hershey's kisses rose) from Larry. WhOoOoOo man! I feel sOoOo special! =D

Gosh Mike you're sOoOoOoOoOo kewl! =D

::On envelope::
To: Hani
From: Mikee

H[a]P[p]Y*[V]a[l]e[n]t[i]n[e]s*[D]a[Y]*2003

::Front of card::
A Valentine for My Friend
Some valentines
don't say enough,
While others may go
way too far . . .

::Inside card::
But this one says
"You're one cool friend!"
'cause that's exactly
what you are.

February 11, 2003

Dearest Mahani,

HeyoO! It's me, Mikee mouse =P. Wassup yO? I'm koo, just happy the 5 day weekend ish here and all. Hey there!! ! on you and Andrew getting together. He knows he must be one of the luckiest guys to have a great wonderful girl like you...Mahani. you both are well deserving of each other. And hope you both forever always keep each other happy and smiling. Wells, just wanted to say a very very Happy Valentines Day & Take care of yourself Hani, you are one true best friend :-P

Always,

Michael G Manzano

Thanks Michael for the VERY heartfelt card. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for everything =D

2003-02-06T16:17:00.000-08:00

So ASB was Saturday . . . here are a bunch of pictures that I just scanned ENJOY! I had originally tried to post all these pictures . . . but realizing that maybe my geocities page was unable to use up all the bandwith that I was asking it to . . . I decided to just link all of them . . . sOo take a look and enjoy! =D

Here's a picture of me en Andrew before we left the house to Gen's. We were faking the corsage and boutienerre "putting on" until after we got to Gen's.

oOoOoOoOo there's a picture of the corsage and boutinerre "putting on".

Picture of me and my sister . . . Look! You can see Larry's head in the mirror! Hahahahaha!

Here's TWO of the MILLION pictures that the parentals took before we left Gen's house.

Now for the actual dance . . . wHoOoOoOo, not as much fun as it sounds. Everyone there were with their "significant others", while Adriano was all by himself . . . how sad. (Well . . . not really . . . but it was worth a try.)

There's Ate Gen and her "significant" Larry "other" =P

Bagel and her boyfriend (I don't think anyone really knows his name.)

These two man . . . no words needed. Eunice and Richard.

Vera and Dylan . . . they slept together! wHoOoOoOo!!!!!!! No I'm just kidding . . . Dylan had to go to a wedding previous to ASB, so he was really tired, so they both sat and fell asleep.

And of course . . . last but NOT least . . . me and Andrew. If I look kinda uncomfortable . . . it's because I was, well of course not because of him, but because of my dress. My feet were hurting from my stupid shoes too.

ASB was fun, but I don't think it was worth the freaking $80 I payed for me and Andrew to go. The stupid dj wasn't even a dj, no turntables, no good songs at all. It was a cd player, with a projector, to show the "music videos" to the songs that they played. Sometimes it wasn't even the music video, it was just that stupid little light thing that people have on their Windows Media Player. We hardly danced, because lack of a better word . . . sucky songs. But it was alright, took pictures and group pictures and it was all good. After me and Andrew had a hard time figuring out what floor the car was on. Well, it wasn't that hard, but we had to think about it. Got into the car and called Gen to figure out where we were gonna eat, what Denny's to eat at really. Me and Andrew got there and sat in the car for a while waiting for Gen and Larry and Auntie Kim and Nick to get there. They pulled up right next to where we parked and they SWEAR like we were doing anything. We were just sitting there talking about how funny Larry is and how cold it was. We walked into Denny's and sat seperately from where Nick and Auntie Kim ate, since they didn't even wanna eat with us. We sat at the table and talked about "dirty dishwater" and my "cow pee". Oh yeah! That and PAYLESS shoes. My mountain salad and how bad of a eater I was. And then we sat and chilled for a while waiting for Nick to come back to pick up Gen and Larry. He came back and then we left and then we were on our way home. Me and Andrew were on our way to my house for the drop off. Pulled up and then I started to complain about being cold. He took of his jacket to give it to me, but I refused and then whined about getting out of the car. So we stayed in the car, not even really talking, just bumping the music and talking about how retarted the dj was and how fun the night was. So we sat there for a while while I got my stuff together. I took my camera and realized that I had three more pictures to take. I took one out of nowhere, while it was pitch black in the car. Andrew started whining because of the bright light. I sat there and said that I was done, and then took another pictures. Then he started laughing and started to whine again. I had one more, and I took it. I was sitting there cracking up because of his dorkbutt sitting there whining.

So I finally said it was time to go inside because it was already 2:00 in the morning. So we walked up to my house and stood on the doorstep. I hugged him and said thank you for a beautiful night, opened the door and then went inside. Came home and thought about the whole night again before I took my dress off, put on my sleeping clothes and went to sleep. I layed down on the couch since the whole freaking world was at my house sleeping. I didn't exactly fall sleep right away, I was too busy thinking about everything. Finally went to sleep and didn't have a dream . . . because my dream somehow had come true . . . well . . . besides the stupid dj. =D

2003-01-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| Your Letter - 112
|Tasting| Orange Kool-Aid
|Smelling| Soap (Just washed my hands)
|Feeling| ;D You'll all know why in a little while.

So it's been a while since I've blogged . . . but now that I have something to blog about, it might take me a while to do all this typing. But please prepare yourself to read maybe the sweetest things that there is to do with a couple of friends.

So it was Saturday the 25th. From 11:00-12:00, I was in a meeting at the studio to discuss first line's new costumes and who was actually in the first line. We were going to start to make this new/old brown and white otea, and it's GORGEOUS. So I had a list of things that I had to order, and a bunch of other stuff I had to do to keep up with costuming. The meeting didn't last a while and then it was time for the Chant/Ipu Pa'i Workshop class. I brought my Ipu Heke, and mostly just watched in class. I learned how to chant and to pa'i years before they actually had a class for it. I learned all this stuff when I was a keiki, and I wasn't that suprised that I would actually remember how to do everything. Ended up doing fine, while Auntie Kehau taught the other students to pa'i. After that class was the second line meeting for wahines. We met with the wahines and they new second line wahines to tell them that they needed all kinds of stuff. Because when you do join a line as a new wahine, it costs big bucks to actually just get your first costumes up and going. Believe me, I've had most of my costumes for almost 6 years now. In and out of new and old ones. But I've been dancing to the point to where I know what's needed without having to ask, people usually ask me. So that class was over and I told Nat to call me because supposedly she had something planned for hula or something. So we all left and I came home pretty tired.

As soon as I got home, I actually recieved a couple of invitations to go out a couple places. One with Andrew, hoping that I could eat dinner with him, Mike, Zelly, and P.A.Y.O., ended up not going. I had an invitation from Kacie to go to Cheryl's suprise birthday party down the street from my house, ended up not going to that either. I wasn't sure what I had planned, all I knew was that I had a show or something for hula. I thought that there was gonna be a get together by some hula people, mostly the wahines and Auntie Kehau. Ended up that it was just me, Natalie, Dominic, and Patrick (Andrew). Natalie called me and told me that they were gonna pick me up. So I took forever trying to get ready because I didn't know what the heck I was gonna wear. Since I say Nat earlier that day and I saw what she was wearing, I called her up and asked her if that was gonna be what she was gonna wear tonight. Which was in fact a short plaid skirt with a tanktop. She told me to try my best to dress like her so that she wouldn't feel out of place when I dressed casually. So I tired my best my wearing a short plaid brown and black skirt with this long sleeve brown shirt that had a hood, but was pretty much REALLY tight. I'm really not sure why mom liked that shirt so much on me but I wore it anyway. I brought my black jacket and then started walking around trying to find the shoes that I wanted to wear. At first I thought that I wanted to wear Cici's shoes, since it'd be cute since that was what I pretty much wore on Halloween of last year. But I ended up wanting to wear heels cuz' I am so short compared to everyone else at hula, I am one of the smallest, if not the smallest. So I found one of my nice heels that were closed toe (although I shouldn't have to worry about that too much since everyone @ hula has seen my feet before), but it was only one. I went crazy running around the house trying to figure out where the other one was. The boys were helping . . . and so was everyone else in the house. I looked a lot mostly in my room because that's where I found the first one. I looked under my bed at least five times before I actually found it under there. I thought that it was actually pretty funny because there were three people that looked under my bed and I didn't even see it until the fifth time I looked. So I finally got ready and I was sitting for a while. I started getting a little scared because they were almost a whole hour late. So I called Nat and she told me that they were on their way. So I was sitting on the stool watching a movie with the little kids. I can't even remember what movie it was because I was too nervous about the night in that short skirt. So there I was sitting, and being scared, and my cell rings. I look at my phone and it's Darryl. I'm glad that I got the chance to talk to him because he gave me the opportunity to actually shake of all that nervousness that I had. So he was sitting and making fun of me while his friends at his house were laughing. I was laughing too, although he was making fun of ME, it was some pretty funny stuff. Not too long after me and Darryl were talking for almost half an hour they drive up and everyone starts making a big deal of it. since both Auntie Mimi and Auntie Annie were here, all they could do was tease me and make me even more nervous. I told Darryl that I had to go and then got my jacket that was sitting on the couch near the door. Auntie Mimi went straight up in introducing herself to Andrew when he came inside and the dogs got all excited for only seeing him for the second time. I wasn't suprised because Nate did actually take a nap on him last time he was here. So I got my jacket and my purse and I was out my door. I was kinda bummed that I wasn't able to say bye to mom because she wasn't home but it was alright, she called me as soon as she got home. So we walked out of my door and got into the car. Nat opened the back door scaring the heck out of both me and Andrew. We got in the car and then as we got back onto the freeway, we were trying to decide what movie that we wanted to see. We ended up picking . . . uh . . . Geez I can't even remember what movie it is that we wanted to watch. Oh yeah! We originally planned on watching "Chicago". But as soon as we got to Fashion most of the movies were sold out. The only thing that wasn't sold out and wasn't too late was "Hot Chick". The show time was 8:10 and it was only about 7:40, we had half an hour to kill. Since Nat knew Fashion pretty well we walked over to a place next to Geppetto's (however the heck you spell that). Build-A-Bear. Nat seemed to know exactly what she was doing because she walked right in and picked a bear. It actually took her a while to pick A bear. As I watched Nat, Andrew was watching too, and he said, "Let me make you a bear too." Nat's bear was for her birthday from Dominic. I argued with him for a long time while we watched Dom stuff the bear and give it a bath. Me and Andrew started arguing again, and then eventually we walked over to where to bears were to pick one. He picked the most popular one, as so we thought and then waited for someone to help him stuff it. While the lady was stuffing it she was talking to us and asking who the bear was for and everything. By the stuffing machine there was this little blower thing that had these hearts for the bears. She asked Andrew if he got one, and then asked me if I wanted one too. So he got me another one and she made us do all kinds of stuff. Put it on our head and spin so that the bear could have brains, hold it tight in our hands to give it a heartbeat and then finally put it on our foreheads, close our eyes, and make a wish. I closed my eyes and made mine, but I wasn't sure if he did or not. When the wishing was done, we put the hearts inside the bear and then gave the bear a bath. We contemplated a long time on what we wanted the bear to be, a boy or a girl. At first he wanted it to be a boy, just so he could make it a gangster and have it wear a bandana, but after a while of trying to figure out the sex, he ended up just buying this cute little outfit with a little bag to make her a girl. So we bought the outfit and then walked over to accessories to figure out what else to get. He bought her Skechers and then bought her a cell phone. I was holding glasses, because he always teases me that I'm a geek, but then noticed that it clashed with the flowers and jean skirt, so we put those back. We went onto the computers in the store to make a birth-certificate and everything. Made one and then bought everything. All that must've been at least $50. But I didn't know, he wouldn't tell me. So we were already late to the movie, with all the arguing me and him were doing and then walked into the theatre. I was really confused because we were at least 15 minutes late and the lights hadn't even gone off yet. So there stood me, Andrew, Nat and Dom, trying to figure out where to sit. No seats. We told one of the employees and he offered us so many other movies to watch. We couldn't accept on the fact that that was pretty late already, we couldn't watch a later showing. So we got our money back and then walked around that mall until it closed, we got into the car and while driving back to chula vista, tried to figure out where to go. Went to Jack-In-The-Box to get food and then we were on our way to the alley. On the way to Jack-In-The-Box, I realized that I didn't have socks. We went to K-Mart and then to Longs to find somewhere to buy socks. Everything was closed and then Andrew came to the conclusion that they alley had to have socks. I guess he was wrong because the didn't. We stood in line and I had my bear with me glowing in the dark because it was cosmic bowling time. So we gave them one of our shoes and rented out bowling shoes and then walked around to find balls. We were on lane 37 and me and Andrew were sitting putting on our shoes at the lane while Nat and Dom got theirs. I set up the turns with names and everything while Andrew walked away, but I couldn't figure out why until I ran up and grabbed his hand and asked. "We HAVE to find balls don't we?" I was laughing because I had totally forgotten. So we were walking up and down the alley looking for balls and we only found one, and that was gonna be mine, his fingers were too big to fit in the holes. We gave up and started walking back. He had my ball in one hand, and me in the other. Found Dom and Nat as soon as we got back to the lane and started bowling. I told Andrew from the beginning that I was gonna kick his butt. I didn't miss anymore than two pins on the whole game, but I came out with a crappy score. I can't even remember what it was it was so crappy. Second game rolled along and it was on. Andrew was determined to beat me. Last game kinda sucked because of Dom and Andrew. When Nat left to go to the bathroom Dom rolled her first ball for the fifth frame. She came back and she was mad. She rolled two balls down both the gutters while there was one already rolling down. The lane broke and Dom went over to the desk to tell them. It was back up and it was a pretty gloomy game, until almost the tenth frame. Tenth frame came around and Nat wasn't all that mad but this was the frame that Andrew was gonna kick my butt in. He got two strikes the first two rolls, and since it was the last frame he had one more, and got an 8. Kicked my butt so mad. But we all had fun. We returned our shoes and didn't even realize that it was already 11:30. Mom left me a message on my phone @ about 10 to tell me to come home because of curfew and law purposes. Got home at about 12:30 almost 1:00. He walked me to my door, I gave him a hug and thanked him for the great day. Came into the house, changed my clothes and then crawled in bed with mom. She asked me where I went and why I came home so late and I told her it was simply because we lost track of time. She told me not to stay out that late ever again unless I didn't wanna go out anymore. I said okay and fell asleep.

So it was Sunday the 26th and I woke up early to take a shower and everything since I had to go to hula early. Auntie Gina was supposed to come and pick me up and bring me because Amina and her cousin wanted to try out the class, but the didn't wanna drive all the way down hereh from Oceanview to take class. So that was cancelled and I had a couple of hours to kill. I practially sat around all those hours waiting for grandma to come and pick me up. 1:30 rolled around and we left and when to McDonald's before class since I hadn't eaten yet. We sat in the parking lot of the studio a while to finish up food and then we all got out to walk into the studio. Grandma had already known about my "date" the night before because of my mom, and all I did was show her the bear. I brought the bear to hula and walked into the waiting room. There sat all the keiki's mom's since the keiki's class was still going on. And right smack dab in the middle sat Auntie Annie (Andrew's mom). All she did was smile at me, and all I could do was smile back nervously and hold my bear tighter. I got too nervous to take it anymore and I asked Uncle Jim if I could go in already. So I went in and watched the keiki's practice the Lilo and Stitch Kalakaua. I thought that it was pretty cute. Class was soon over and then I finally had a chance to talk to Auntie Janet about what had happened the night before. She was really curious and all that she could say was, "I don't blame you, he is cute because shoot, if I was your age, I'd wanna go out with him too!" I couldn't help but laugh. So the classes went on, and I observed, mostly helping girls out with their form while Rachel and Parish danced to be the "uniform" dancers. Classes went well and then the drumming class started. As soon as Andrew walked in, Rachel, Parish, Auntie Janet, and Kat all looked at me to see my reaction. I couldn't do anything but smile. Again I watched the second line do their numbers while I tried to give them tips. Those girls've really gotta learn how to scream and not be shy. Then it was first line's to dance. Perfect . . . they made me lead in. They all thought that it was so cute because of how I had to dance right in front of Andrew when he was drumming. Working harder than usual I think I hurt myself. That class ended and I didn't even get a chance to talk to Andrew because his family was going out to eat dinner since he hadn't spent his dad's first day here from Israel. He called me on my cell while I was in the boys' class and left me a message. Told me he was sorry for not having the chance to talk since he had to leave right after, but he said that we'd talk later on and that he hoped to see me again soon. I got home, totally pooped from the long day of dancing and instructing and went to sleep.

I tried so hard to sleep in on Monday because I wanted to rest. It didn't happen. Woke up early because of the boys and then figured that I'd study at least a little, maybe finally finish my book that I'd been reading since December. None of that happened as I hoped it would. Andrew picked me up again and we drove down to Horton. And guess what we did! We went ice-skating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've wanted to go ever since last year but I hadn't had the chance. Now that I did, I was sOoOoOo happy. So we rented skates and then started out slow. Both Dom and Andrew can't skate for anything. I was laughing half the time totally cracking up because of how they were constantly holding on to either me and Nat or the actually wall for the ring. It was alright after a while and then the session was over. We walked over to Horton to walk around for a while and not look at anything in particular, since supposedly we had time to kill. "We're supposed to go somewhere after this." That's all I heard . . . well that and that it was supposed to be a surprise for me and Dom. Dom and I got into the car and they closed the doors. They took a while talking I guess trying to figure out where to go, or how to get there. Payed for parking and that stupid ticket was $5!!!!!! Well we got out of downtown and back onto the freeway. We got on 8 and the exited beaches. This truly was gonna be a surprise for me. We parked at Belmont Park and then brough a basket, a cooler, towels, and a blanket. We walked (I swear it was HALFWAY across the beach) and then finally sat down. Made our sandwhiches and then watched the sunset. It was CRAZY cold when the sun started to set, but I guess that that's what the blanket and body heat was for. He sat there holding me while I had the blanket shivering, but REALLY enjoying the sunset. I'll always remember the color of the sky . . . the sound of the waves . . . and the moment that the sun hid itself away behind the clouds as we watched . . . I'll always remember how perfect it was. It eventually got way too cold to stay at the beach while the wind started blowing harder. We got back into the car and it was only 6:00. Since none of us wanted to go home, we tried to pick on another place to go. Ended up going to Lollicup, and buying drinks. As soon as we got there my mom called, "Hello Missy it's a school night." "Yes mommy we're on our way home." Sat a little while on the couch waiting for the drinks got our drinks and then sat back on the couch while I asked him about his wish. I really wondered what his wish was when he put his heart in my bear. He finally told me. And I was REALLY surprised. I didn't even know what to say. I was amazed and surprised and sOoOoOo happy. He asked about mine, and mine was practically the same thing that he wished for. I couldn't help but smile and just look at him. I told him I had to go and we all got back into the car and he dropped me off again. Walked me to my door gave me a hug and left. What a nice day. =)

I went through the week pretty happy . . . although mid-terms were going on. I pretty much bombed on my tests, but it was alright. I guess I expected it. Finally the week was over and it was Friday again.

Since it was a short day, I sent a message to Andrew to see what he was doing. Ended up he was sleeping in lunch detention. He sent me back a message and told me that he almost got caught and that he'd call me as soon as he got out. I was still on the way home from the funky bus ride home and didn't really get the chance to talk that long. Gen waited until my bus stop to get off because she thought that her mom didn't know that we had a short day. As soon as we got off the bus and walked across the street . . . guess to drives by. Turns out her mom came over to our house to pick up my mom to treat her out to lunch. It wasn't as big of a deal as me en Gen thought that it'd be. But for more info on that . . . check Gen's blog . . . I'm getting kinda lazy to type the whole story of "The Sea of Dresses".

So night time rolled around and everyone had planned on going out to the movies to watch Darkness Falls. I didn't know how I was gonna get there, and I didn't even know if I was gonna go anywhere since mom had already spent an even $100 on both my dress and shoes. So I told everyone that it was a maybe. I talked to Andrew and Nat to figure out if we could go and meet my friends. That was the original plan. As soon as we got to Dom's house, I found out that we had tickets to the NFLX. Dom's dad hooked it up with four tickets, and that's where we were on our way too. Embarcadero . . . Downtown. We knew it was gonna be packed, but I didn't know it was gonna be uncomfortable. I really didn't feel comfortable at all downtown. So we drove all the way back here and then ended up walking around @ Plaza for a couple of hours. We saw my brother (since I knew that he was already there I expected to find them there), Richard and Jon. I introduced Jon and Richard to Andrew and vise versa. Richard claimed to be my "other" brother which was okay with me. But those three are crazy. They eventually walked away and then me and Andrew walked into Spencers while Nat and Dom were downstairs making those sticker thingies. I went straight to the back to look at posters and make fun of them. Stayed in Spencers for a long time reading all the "nasty" cards. Laughing my butt of cuz' of Dom's laugh. Since plaza closed @ 9 and I didn't have to be home until 10, we went to Lolita's in Bonita to eat. I didn't eat, they did, I just sat there, I wasn't feeling all that great, my stomch was hurting. WE left at about 9:50 to go home. I caled home, not sure if I was gonna make it home in time or not. Donovan answered the phone and told me that mom was already asleep. I did end up making it home by curfew and I thanked Andrew again for a nice night and hugged him and then walked inside the house.

It was Saturday once again and it was a day to rest. As so I thought. Everyone woke up early again to go to Leanna's birthday party. I was trying to figure out the original plan in going minirature golfing and then fireworks with Andrew, Nat, and Dom. I had a chance to talk to Andrew and to try and figure out what time to pick me up and do everything. I told him that the family wanted to see him, since Leanna's party was gonna end up being a family party. Andrew said it was up to me if I wanted to drop by and say hi to everyone. Mom didn't recommend it because she likes Andrew, and she knew that if we went, that they'd ALL be interrogating me. Well not only me, but him too. So he picked me up while mom and the boys were out to Plaza getting Leanna's gift. Auntie Mimi and Auntie Annie both said hi to Andrew, along with the dogs. I got into the car and since I was the first one to be picked up, we went to pick up Nat. I was teasing him about the dogs because they already knew who he was. And he said that they probably knew when his car drove up too. I laughed and we drove to Bullock to pick up Nat. I wanted so much to see Tim again and have him holla. But I didn't have the number and we still had to go and pick up Dom. So we picked up Dom and started driving to Clairemont. We did go with the original plan of minirature golfing and I got my butt kicked. Andrew kicked my but sOo bad. It was alright though. After walking around in the arcade for a while, we got back into the car and then drove around to find somewhere to eat. We ate at Rubio's and then made our way downtown to watch the fireworks at Auntie Annie's work. We found parking after almost a whole hour, and then called Andrew's parents trying to figure out if they could pick us up so that we wouldn't have to walk all the way to her work. Nat payed for parking while we waited for his parents to come and pick us up. Ended up that they wanted us to follow them, and that we'd end up just parking where they parked. We sold our ticket to some lady and then followed them as they drove into Auntie Annie's work and got free parking. Walked into her building . . . actually more like through her building cuz' we ended up going onto the pier and watching the fireworks. The girls and Andrew's parents ended up moving down more the pier so that we could have our "own time". We watched the fireworks that we were practically surrounded by. I didn't know which one to watch, the on that was bigger, or the ones behind us. It ended up being a REALLY good show but it was hectic trying to get out of traffic. We ended up going in circles trying to figure out how to get out of downtown and back to PH. I wanted to go to starbucks since everyone was half asleep and to have something else to do before I went home. After starbucks, and after I finished my caramel frap and all Andrew's whip cream, I was WIRED. I was all hyper in the car and Andrew couldn't do anything but sit there and laugh at me. I came home and gave him a hug and he left. It was another nice night.

I would say that my weekend was pretty good. I know I enjoyed it. Well . . . I know it's a lot, but I hope you guys out there take into consideration the kinds of stuff that Andrew did for me. It was really sweet and you know the girls'll love it. Just be original. Don't do the exact thing I did . . . it'd be nice if she knew that you did something on your own.

2003-01-20T08:06:00.000-08:00

Hahahaha . . . wow man a pretty gross story, and it's kinda old. I've heard it time and time before . . . but I figured that I'd share it with you guys. Hope you like it!

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging her I figured 'Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just > the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

2003-01-17T16:10:00.000-08:00

Here's just a little something that I recieved in an e-mail yesterday, I thought that maybe I'd just share it with everyone else.

It goes a little something like this . . .

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people that I had to kill today because they piss me off.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work . . .
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays

And help me to remember . . .

When I am have a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!

Just a little something that I thought was kinda funny, some little quote things with these baby backgrounds that seems so different from the actual quotes, but yeah maybe I'll post those later.

2003-01-14T15:54:00.000-08:00

Most recent picture of me. Whatchu think? It actually looks kinda blurry cuz' I had to re-size it like twice. Well actually my greatest friend re-sized it for me. =D Thank you my greatest friend! =D

2003-01-10T15:29:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| Gotta man - Eve
|Tasting| Grape Kool-Aid
|Smelling| Lotion . . . it's called "Happiness" (Gosh what a wrong name for a time like this =/ )
|Feeling| Eh . . .

Wow . . . I haven't blogged for a while . . . I've gotta start doing that again . . .

Pretty ordinary day today. Really nothing out of the ordinary. I looked so scrubby for school today. I don't even know what I was thinking this morning. Took a shower, and got en walked to my room in my pajamas with absolutely NOTHING to wear. I just put on whatever. I wore my really old pants, my "uniform" pants, and some old peasant shirt that I haven't worn in a long time, and my baby blue big jacket. I have no idea what I was thinking. I was freezing cold though. Got to school en wished that I had dressed nicer but it's all good. The whole ride to school me and Gen were talking about nothing but D-R-A-M-A. It seemed like there was a lot going on with everyone. Mostly with me. But let's not go there, I don't wanna have to think about all that right now.

Let's have a recap on the day . . .

First Period PE
Today in class was alright. Since it is Thursday, we only had to do a short run which I was pretty happy about. Coming in fourth or fifth agen (Like always ;D) I was again tired, but ran anyway. got the nice rackets since me en Gen were in the top ten and walked to the yucky courts. Gosh I don't like those stupid courts. As Jhonny says, they're dangerous. Stupid crack in the darn blacktop. Well anyways, we were on court seven since the there's only six nice tennis courts, and we were on a total different side of the fence (how sad). Well we played Larry and Jhonny today, couple good shots for both teams, but since girls do rule the world, we ended up winning the match, coming back from a terrible losing streak. Got lazy after a while and started walking back to the locker rooms. Changed into my scrubby clothes and we were out the door.

Second Period Spanish
Like everyday I walked with Gen and Larry, and then eventually with my nice friends (Denard and Martin). Today it seemed I guess long because I was lagging today. Larry and Gen were totally lagging walking sOo slow and I was walking pretty fast trying to catch up with my nice friends. Caught up with them after awhile because of my short legs. Saw my kewl guy (Daniel), and said to him and then Denard and Daniel left to go to the bungalows before the ones me and Martin have to get to. Talked to Martin for awhile and then went to the exciting world of Spanish. Again I forgot to write my composition so I did that today, but I really forgot because I was supposed to get it corrected today. Did some workbook stuff that I totally understand which was suprising. Did nothing more after and then promised myself that I would do it tonight. And that was exactly what I did. But anyways, spanish is boring, and I didn't have homework except to do my composition so that class was over and done with.

Third Period Chemstiry
Well as a tradition I get the traditional, "Have fun in chemistry." Walked with Gen and talked about nothing more than the drama that's going on with her. Got into chem, and I think that I just failed . . . for the very first time, my chemistry test. Unbelievable. I seemed to be kinda bothered by it all day. Didn't do anything else but take the test, well afterward since I had extra time in class I ended up reading my novel. I love V.C. Andrews. She's such a good writer, and I guess reading her books, it gives me hope. Since all of her books are all about broken families and about how families can go crazy, and do some crazy stuff, I guess I figured that since there's eventually a happy ending to their stories, that there is . . . somewhere in the world, a happy ending for me. But yeah, packed up and then it was off to Algebra.

Fourth Period Algebra
In a way, I was looking forward to this class. All because we were supposed to get our PSAT scores today. Ended up, sitting in class for fifteen minutes, first listening to the student bulletin (which if I may add you could HARDLY hear). Sat, while laughing at Dylan who was making all kinds of noises. I had no idea what was going on. I was trying to listen to the bulletin because they were supposed to be announcing the new club that was gonna be headed up tomorrow. (By the way, the only reason I was really listening was because I'm co-president for the club ;D). Well sat for fifteen minutes in class, as I was saying earlier and then at eleven we were allowed to go and pick up our test scores. There was actually a lot of us who were going, but right before we left Ms. Coon said that she messed up, but that was should try and pick them up anyway. So there we went, a whole lot of us on the way to the auditorium. First we go to the wrong side of the auditorium and then we had to walk all the way to the other side, where the scores en everything were supposed to be. We see the counselors and Mrs. Yamamoto and some other counselors walking out with the cart and the signs. We told them to wait but they insisted that they had to go. We started walking back to class and the girls said that they had to go to the bathroom. Anne ended up going and I was walking with Michael and one of his friends, (I feel really bad cuz' I don't know her name). Well we went to the bathroom and then Anne left me and then we walked back to class and Ms. Coon apologized and told us that she'd get them herself (which I think is a lie.)

Lunch
Class ended and then Michael said that he didn't trust Ms. Coon so he ended up picking up his own scores. I went with Adriano to the office to get mine . . . we caught Michael on his way out . . . and at first he wouldn't show me his scores, but later on he did end up showing me. Went back to the table en hung out with Gen en Larry. Adriano en me went to the lunch carts to get lunch . . . but get this . . . we went to get lunch T-W-I-C-E. Everyone knows that I'm not that big of a eater, especially at school, but I ate sOoOo much. Bell rang and it was time to go. Michael met up with me en Gen to do his "let's walk half-way and then turn around en walk to my own class". Not too long after me and Richard were playing around like we always do and then it was off into the wonderful world of history.

Fifth Period History
Well it was back into sitting in the corner and listening to Mr. Fox talk. It was fairly interesting today because it was about the president's economic plan. Well . . . I guess it wasn't as interesting as I would've thought. I ended up falling alseep. Not really listening, so not really understanding what was going on, and REALLY didn't understand the president's claim for the economy.

Sixth Period English
Again here we were in the wonderful world of books listening to Larson lecture about some pretty weird things. We read more of Cyrano de Bergerac and then ended up doing nothing. Class was pretty boring besides the fact that me en Gen always play around. But that's about it.

So there's my so not exciting day . . . sorry I only half finished it earlier . . . but it's done now

2003-01-02T10:23:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| Moving On - INOJ
|Tasting| Hershey's Kisses Mint Chocolate Special Edition
|Smelling| Oatmeal (I think the boys are eating some)
|Feeling| Confused, but most of all hurt . . .

Ok. So it's been awhile since my last entry. A really long while since, last year even. Well yeah . . . Christmas was okay, New Years Eve and everything wasn't all that great either. Nothing out of the ordinary this year for either holiday. So I would say that it was a pretty ordinary holiday season this year. Didn't get as many presents as usual but that's okay, everyone ended up just giving me money because I guess that I'm at that age where no one knows what to get me. So they all figure that money'll satisfy me since I could just get whatever I wanted. I'm thankful for the ordinary holiday season, it at least gave me a chance to be thankful for things that I'm blessed with everyday. Things I don't necessarily remember to be thankful for. Now I realize how much I have, and how much everything means to be . . . especially friendships and relationships.

*sigh* . . . Well as everyone knows, yesterday was in the fact the first of the new year, and for me, it would've been my one year anniversary with a certain someone. It was Nik's birthday again yesterday and of course we had to celebrate it.

2002-12-24T11:18:00.000-08:00

Song of the moment . . .

Artist: 3 Little Woman
Title: Curious

There's some things on my mind
I don't know that I should be thinkin'
Am I wastin' my time thinkin' 'bout
You and I, and these feelings
Cuz I see you and me holdin' hands
Doin' things, goin' further
But they say we're too young
And those things will come
I'm just curious

When can I touch you?
When can I kiss you?
I'm curious
Nothin' more than a girl
Comin' straight from the heart
I'm just feelin' us

Thinkin' 'bout you and me
Thinkin' 'bout how it feels
I'm curious
I just wanna know what
True love is, though
I'm just feelin' us

On the phone in my bed
On my back, starin' at the ceiling
When I'm talkin' to you
What I feel, is it true?
I'm wondering
Well I tell it, and I
What I feel deep inside
It keeps burning
Does my man understand
Everything that I am
I'm just curious
I'm just curious

When can I touch you?
When can I kiss you?
I'm curious
Nothin' more than a girl
Comin' straight from the heart
I'm just feelin' us

If I could have things my way
We'd go pass time
Maybe we'd do the things
I'm thinkin' in my mind
And all the things I want to know, I'd know
The places we'd explore, I'd go
But now I see us both together
Learnin' more about each other

When can I touch you?
When can I kiss you?
I'm curious
Nothin' more than a girl
Comin' straight from the heart
I'm just feelin' us

When can I touch you?
When can I kiss you?
I'm curious
Nothin' more than a girl
Comin' straight from the heart
I'm just feelin' us

You know boy
We both know that we have a thing for each other
And it's natural for us to both wonder
What it would be like
But the time is not right
And I hope you're satisfied
Because I'm satisfied
Just bein' curious

I can't get you off my mind

When can I touch you?
When can I kiss you?
I'm curious
Nothin' more than a girl
Comin' straight from the heart
I'm just feelin' us

2002-12-20T15:48:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . really . . . REALLY tired . . . It's been a long week
|Hearing| Cupid - 112
|Tasting| The one of out the many chocolates that I got today . . .
|Smelling| Cho-co-laytes . . . I still have my lei on . . . (Thanks Vera!)
|Feeling| Relieved en a bit confused . . .

Gosh it's been such a long week . . . can you believe that it's almost Christmas?

It was the last school day of the year . . . lots of exchanging presents and all that other good stuff. Time to study over break for finals coming up next year . . . which really isn't that far away. Didn't even finish all of my Christmas shopping, mostly for the girls, but I've gotta take them with me to go and get them gifts, whenever that is. This week felt like it was so long . . . without a lot of enjoyment too. Things are kinda dull . . . kinda boring . . . I wonder why that is. *sigh* Well anyways . . . nothing exciting happened this week . . . like anything ever does anyway.

Well okay . . . since today was the last day of school for the year and the last day to see everyone before break, everyone brought presents and wore nice clothes and all that good stuff. But it was just our luck, it was RAINING. We were okay down here waiting for the bus, but slowly as we started getting closer and closer to school it just started pouring. Smart me and Gen and everyone else, no hoods, no umbrellas, just jackets with lots and lots of nice presents. As soon as we get to school we realize how hard that it's raining and eventually have to actually . . . and literally . . . RUN to the 200 building just to get out of the rain and then reassemble ourselves before going to class. It was raining so hard, our presents were all soggy and wet, and so were we. My hair didn't even get to dry before school after I got out of the shower because of the rain. So basically my hair was wet the whole day.

First Period PE

Well today in PE we got to do whatever we wanted, we eventually just played basketball with a bunch of people. Literally . . . a BUNCH of people. It was like 10 on 10 and we were only half of a half-court. It was crazy, we didn't know who was on our team, or who wasn't, or ANYTHING. It was a really good game, but I wasn't getting any shots in today. Freaking Peter kept encouraging me and I still wasn't getting anything. PE sucked . . . more than usual and then it was back to the locker rooms and on to getting back into the rain. Me and Gen ended up holding all kinds of presents and it was still pouring. Half of the time walking through the hallway, and the other half in the rain. I was soaking and about 15 minutes late for 2nd Period.

Second Period Spanish

Came in late, soaking wet trying to figure out what I had to do. I ended up not even doing my cards that I brought (which was in fact pointless). Watched Home Alone 2 and almost finished the movie. I didn't do anything really but watch the movie and fall asleep a couple of times. Finally the bell rang and then it was off to the wonderful world of chemistry.

Third Period Chemistry

Instead of walking through the halls like me en Gen planned . . . we ended up just following Michael and Ray to class telling them about gifts. Walked into class with Ray just asking about his present. Sat down and worked on our lab and then did nothing but talk to Luisana and Spencer. They ate some of my hershey's kisses that I brought (which was another pointless bringing of the yeah . . . ). Finished up the lab and turned it in, and then did more of that thing called nothing. Got really bored and gave Michelle and Ray their snowmen. Bell rang and then it was off to the party.

Fourth Period Algebra

We were supposed to have a party in this class, which we did. I didn't eat much but chips and cookies and some lemonade. Hung out with Anne, Britney, Garret, Michael, Dylan, and Trevor. We had fun, well I had fun laughing and making fun of Anne and Britney since they were entertaining everyone. Singing a bunch of Christmas songs not even knowing all the words and dancing at the same time. Ate Britney's chips, talked to Garret bout nothing in particular and then laughed at Anne when she got a singing thong. I think that that is so kewl though. She opened just the corner and I told her not to open it in front of everyone because of the material, I already knew that it was a thong when she brought it out. But the kewl thing about it was that it sang! It had this little pocket at the side that played music, and it was kewl cuz' it's detatchable, so when you wanna wash it, you can take it out without having to worry about it getting broken. She showed it to me and then told me to try it on for size, and then showed it to Michael who wasn't exactly fascinated with it. Dylan just sat the whole time thinking that all of us were crazy. We had fun just chillen and eating.

Lunch

Fourth period ended and I walked with Michael to the carts. Where I found everyone else and we all chilled for a while. We waited till everyone got to where we were to do our secret santa thing. Michael walked away for a little . . . leaving me puzzled, and I only now just realized what he did. He got my gift out of his locker. So I was getting all kinds of candy . . . all kinds of cards from everyone else waiting for Michael to come back so he could watch us do our little secret santa thing. He finally came back and asked for his gift and gave me mine. We stood there watching everyone give their presents to their secret santa. Cici was first and I was really surpised at who she had. Cuz' she had me! Little dork was able to keep it from me this whole time. I loved the gift and she knew that I would. I'm not sure if I'll ever wear it to school (but I probably will), but I love the shirt! Thanks Cici! =D Everyone traded gifts and everyone was happy with who got what and everything. After the trading Michael kept contemplating on what he was gonna do with the gift I gave him. I really wanted him to open it just to see what his reaction would've been. Ended up he thought it was too much (Which everyone thought), but I really hoped that he does like it. Stevy and Jhonny came over while he was opening his gift and started to tease him. Jhonny doing his thing like always, "Go make some moves on this guy . . . he's too shy!" Michael didn't do anything but stand there and look at the floor. I felt kinda bad because his friends were CONSTANTLY teasing the both of us. But I never got it as bad at he did. Stevy started to tease Michael about the cd saying that it's a bunch of love songs. It was really funny and Michael pretty much hung out with us most of the lunch. He ended up leaving towards the end to hang out with his friends. After lunch though me and Gen were stuck with all kinds of bags and everything. Walked to fifth period and sat down a little happier than usual.

Fifth Period History

Since I didn't open the gift that Michael gave to me at lunch, Katherine and Gen decided that it was torture time. Since Gen was helping me out with all the bags and gifts that I was holding, she ended up holding Michael's gift for me. I asked her to look at it and tell me if I'd like it or not. She said I would and then as soon as Katherine heard about it, she took it from Gen. I was sitting in front of them at first in class and then I moved to sit by Gen, since we were watching a movie anyway. Katherine looks at it too and tells me that I'd like it because it's just something that I would like. So she takes my gift and then tells me that I can't have it until after class, or well at least the last minutes of class. So I sit there the whole time trying to figure out what was in the bag and to figure out a way that I could get it without Katherine knowing. I asked Jole, (who sat by me in class) to get it for me because she put it where I was originally sitting. I finally forget about it and watch the movie . . . Sum of All Fears. Seems like a really good movie, but although I was watching it, I didn't exactly comprehend it. All I could think about was what was in the bag. Finally it came to the end of class and Katherine and Gen teased me a little more and finally gave it to me. It was a P-A-N-D-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well yeah chocolate too, but it was a panda! I sat there smiling and Katherine and Gen again, teasing me and then making me hold stuff as soon as class got out just so they could tease me more about not being able to give Michael a hug. They eventually took back their stuff and we walked to class and saw Michael on the way. I gave Michael a hug (extra long today because of the vacation), and wished him a Merry Christmas, and happy holidays. Walked to six period and was late because of all the dayam bags.

Sixth Period English

As soon as we walked in the door, Larson was asking for our research papers. Turned ours in and then thought of books. I asked Larson if I could go to the library to turn in books and then Gen ended up tagging along because she had to turn in her book too. Walked to the library with Gen talking about nothing in particular and then turned in my two books on Hawaii and then ended up renewing the other V.C. Andrews book that I just started. Well kind of started because I wasn't really able to actually read it lately. I said bye to Trevor and walked back with Gen to class. Walked in right when Larson started the movie and watched the rest of the movie with everyone else. Didn't do anything after that. Chilled with everyone after the movie was done as Stevy was talking about Michael's gift and how much he liked it and everything.

Afterschool

Again it was time to have all our bags and RUN to the buses since Ms. Clark told us yesterday that she was off. We left class earlier then usual and met up with Larry and walked with him. As soon as we got to the buses I see everyone that rides our bus just standing around. I asked them where the bus was and they said that they didn't know where it was. It was obviously not there yet and Ms. Clark got us all scared that we were gonna miss the bus. Bus came how much later, after all the other buses had already gone. Some old white guy was driving and he said that we needed bus passes. So everyone took out their ID's and got onto the bus, me and Gen and Dan having all our own seats again. The whole ride home I was sleep . . . I was really tired. Got home at about 3:00 and did nothing until Richard called my cell and asked to talk to Dan, not too long later Dan kicked me off the computer. I sat on the couch in my little corner and ended up falling asleep. Waking up to my mom's yelling voice wasn't exactly the most pleasant thing. Woke up and felt sOoOoOoOo physically drained. I was so burned out from this week.

Now I'm just lounging around trying to find the energy to do anything. I can't even eat I'm so tired. I tried falling back asleep cuz' I knew mom was gonna yell more, but she ended up having some sympathy for me since she knew how it felt to be burnt out. She told me that too. Her and Auntie Annie. Mom's feel burnt out all the time. I totally forgot about practice and mom told me that Gen called and that I couldn't go anyway since I don't do anything around the house. She's letting me go to the performance tomorrow, but other than that she's not gonna let me do anything else, at least not this weekend. So hopefully I'll get my energy by tomorrow morning. I hope there's a lot of people going, and I hope the show it still even gonna happen. I've just gotta pray hard tonight that it won't rain again. Well that's my week . . . and my today . . . not a lot . . . but yeah . . . So this is it for now . . . maybe I'll blog tomorrow about how the show goes and how many supporters we have.

2002-12-16T17:04:00.000-08:00

oh5h itizJosTIN: mahani have i ever miss-treated you? i dont understand, why do we always fight, all i do is try to make you happy, but when i try to make myself happy, you act different, i dont know.why are we like this. you are my greatest friend and my first and only love :-[. as much as i want to get back together im stopping myself, you know why? becos im scared, that something might happen agen. i have so much faith. but there are also other things mahani. i dont know if your the same person i fell so much in love in. i dont know if you changed. and i dont know if im the same person :-\. i have so many mixed feelings its so hard to explain.

What's going on man . . . =(

2002-12-13T17:22:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . Worn out . . .
|Hearing| This Very Moment - K-Ci and Jojo
|Tasting| Cheese and Turkey breast sandwhich =D (Yum!)
|Smelling| Fruit something . . . Maybe an air-freshener?
|Feeling| Stressed and lonely . . .

So it just so happens that Minus One Music actually did sell out. The business is gone and now it's "Heritage". Just got off the phone with Gen and she told me the long story about what happened with the studio and what's gonna happen. There's supposed to be a meeting tomorrow with the students at Auntie and Uncle's house about lessons and singing, and also about the show next weekend. I feel really bad cuz' Gen REALLY wanted rather needed me to go with her, but I can't cuz' of the show tomorrow night. So if that's a plus or a minus I don't know . . . we'll just have to wait and see.

So it's been quite a week . . . or weeks should I say. So many different things happened involving so many people, but let's not talk about that. There's too much to type and I'm just tired of talking about it anyway.

Recap, on the day.

First Period PE

Today in PE was alright I guess you could say. But we just weren't feeling the games. At least I wasn't. Gen was playing fine but because of me, we ended up just losing both matches. It was really fun besides the losing part.

Second Period Spanish

I only now realized that we really don't do anything in this class. Yesterday all we did was a couple of questions orally and then after that we were watching Stand And Deliver which was really kewl cuz' the movie is actually really good. Today all we did was read something about getting to know the author of the REAL story of Don Quijote and why he was as messed up as he was, and then answered more questions. And then after that we just watched the rest of Stand And Deliver. I almost fell asleep cuz' it got really boring but it was alright . . . it was better than being overwhelmed with more work.

Third Period Chemistry

Learned a new lesson in this class and goofed around with Spencer and Luisana. Those two are just too funny. I didn't feel like paying attention all that much today. I was actually quite happy, although today was "Friday the 13th", it wasn't even that bad cuz' I got my history book back! Yes, I'm so happy! =D Well yeah . . . I guess we were supposed to bring out Chemistry book today too, and I also guess I just totally forgot. Good thing Colin brought his and I didn't have to worry about getting in trouble, but it came to having to do a couple of problems that we had to finish in class. I was so rushing it and ended up finishing early anyway.

Fourth Period Algebra

I think that I have currently learned to love this class. I think it's all because of the enjoyable extra 5 minutes I get to spend with some kewl people. Especially Dylan and Michael, man those two crack me up. All the time too, Dylan's always saying something smart, and then I'd laugh five minutes later and then Michael would laugh at me. It's like a continuous chain. Well today in class we learned how to do something new but most of the time me and Dyland and some other girl were talking about what to bring for the party that we were gonna have in there next Friday. We started talking about all kinds of stuff, dinaguan and EVERYTHING. It was hilarious. Ms. Coon was pretty good with keeping the class quiet today and it wasn't that bad. But I really wasn't concentrating at all, just trying to stop myself from laughing so much. Dylan just totally cracks me up and just constantly teases me and Michael. But yeah . . . gotta watch out in that class, I hope my grade doesn't drop anymore than it already has. =/

Lunch

Nothing out of the ordinary at lunch. Hung out with the usual, and did nothing but the usual. Or actual out of the ordinary, there was SUPPOSED to be a sophomore class meeting. Turn-outs I was the only one person that showed up. Besides the sophomore president (Gen), and the secretary (Jon). That one person was ME! Sad isn't it? Well anyway . . . since there wasn't anyone that showed up, Gen just updated the advisor about what was going on with the sophomore class and we were out of there. Walked back to the table, and told everyone about the great meeting that we had. Sat down with Gen for a long time and ended up just laying down, almost falling asleep discussing not anything more than Cici's birthday and what we were supposed to do for Christmas break. We were hoping to have a GOG thing to go on. Just so we could all spend time with each other once again, all in one bunch just for the holidays. Michael walks over a little later with Peter and not too long after, Richard comes over and starts messing with everyone. That boy just totally cracks me up too. Vera wasn't feeling all that great and we were all concerned about her. Ended up being an okay lunch with Gen with Larry and me, Cici, Michael, Peter, and Richard playing around. Cici, that dork . . . talking about "Go Hani, go show!" That's crazy, cuz' if I did . . . I'd bust it out right there and then. But I got kinda shy about it and ended up just stopping. It didn't look like I was dancing hula did it Gen? Well ANYWAYS, after Michael tried giving me a chocolate something. He tried to be slick and put it in my jacket pocket that I was holding that he took from me in order to give it to me. He smelled my jacket and claimed it smell good and asked me what I wore. I told him that I didn't wear anything and that it probably just smelled good cuz' I didn't have time to dry my hair and that it was probably my conditioner or something. I ended up not even taking my jacket and made him hold it until after History.

Fifth Period History

I'm so glad that I got my book back today. All we ended up doing was taking notes from the book and I was one of the five out of the how many . . . 35 maybe 36 people in our class. Shows how responsible our class is. Well true . . . there's only maybe 10 sophomores in our class and all the rest were Freshman but I was the only sophomore that brought their book. Ended up just finishing up my first set of notes that was due yesterday and at least started on the next section. Went to the bathroom cuz' I had the sudden urgency to go. Came back and was freezing and sat in the back of the room and socialized a little. Talked to my "kewl guy" (Daniel), Aubrey and that new guy Jon that was already 15 but was a Freshman. Felt kinda weird sitting in the back of the room since I sit in the front for most of my classes. Made my own stats since Aubrey was writing on the board about the Freshman game and everyone else's stats. Turns out I had the best stats, but it's alright, can't compete with anyone from the actual team cuz' the stats were made up. Got bored and ended up just going back to my seat and back to my work. Bell rang not too long later. Walking the three of us (Me, Katherine, and Gen) to class, and Katherine did her daily routine of asking the question. Michael gave me back my jacket and said, "Thanks for the jacket it kept me warm." Gave me my daily hug and Katherine and Greg waited at the end of the building to tease me once more. Like I don't get enough of that at lunch and in Algebra . . . gosh.

Sixth Period English

Another day of reading and lecturing. Luckily I was able to get out for at least ten minutes to do another trip to the office and pick up any homework that Jostin might need. Walked over and check with Mrs. Yamamoto who seems to already know me. Ended up no more teachers dropped off anything more and walked back slowly instead of my usual assertive way cuz' I wanted to stay outside at least for a little longer. On the way back two nice guys were good enough of gentlemen to hold the door for me and let me enter either the hall or the office first. Walked back to English and everyone was reading . . . started reading for a while and then Mr. Larson started to lecture and we did results from our surveys that we did yesterday. Ended up having some funny things like "8 out of 10 kids don't like Mr. Larson". How sad was that! Well yeah more lecturing and more of conclusions and the research paper and everything. Class ended with a YES! and it was off to the buses.
Afterschool

Walked with my sister and Larry since my greatest friend wasn't there to walk with me anymore. (Greatest Friend I M-I-S-S you!) Since Linda was at school again to pick up Larry, Gen ended up just riding with Larry, Linda, and Christian. Saw Peter on the way to the buses and again attacked him since I hardly see him anymore. Gen asked if it was okay and I said it was fine. I asked Peter to walk with me to the buses since I didn't wanna walk by myself. He walked me to my bus and I thanked him and sat all the way in front since Dan didn't save me a seat. Turned on my phone and it ended up I had a message. Someone sent me an anonymous "i love you". I just CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO'S NUMBER THAT IT WAS! I was all freaked out and I showed it to Abby. She didn't know who it was either. She said to just call and ask who sent me a message but I got scared and kept trying to figure out who it was. I gave my phone to Krystle for her to get my new number, and she gave it back to me not too long later because someone was trying to call me. Erwin. I picked up the phone and talked to him for awhile before my phone just went totally out of wack and hung up on him. I called Jostin after and asked him if he sent me the message, and apparently he didn't. So I'm sitting on the bus totally puzzled cuz' I don't know who the hell sent me the message. So I was all paranoid and then ended up not thinking about it and started to read my novel fer english. Read until we were almost home and then closed it and put it away. Wanted to come home and sleep but unexpectedly grandma was there. Cleaning up everything that there was possibly to clean up. So I just sat on the computer and listened to music and did nothing for a little while. Went online and started to look through my stuff in my folder and then saw a couple of convos that made me sad. So many things've happened this year . . . some bad and some good. I guess things just happen for reasons . . . some known and some unknown.

Well there's my so not exciting day . . . didn't do anything at all.

Word of the day!
Ku'u'ipo Pronunciation Key (kú-öö-ë-pò)
1. Hawaiian word for sweetheart
2. Someone I wish I could have of my own :-\

I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm just really hurt . . . and lost . . . I just need someone to come en find me. =/

2002-12-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

One last blog of the day . . . Something I'll be forever smiling about. =D

Teem Ohkawnor: sigh that was fate we met
HaNiCoMb: en i'm glad fate fateded it out that way
HaNiCoMb: hehe
Teem Ohkawnor: haha
HaNiCoMb: :-)
Teem Ohkawnor: hah you know how easily it would have been for me to say "wow she knows me but i don't know her... o well"
Teem Ohkawnor: but i didn't
Teem Ohkawnor: and im sooper glad it didn't end up that way
HaNiCoMb: so am i . . . so am i :-D
Teem Ohkawnor: heh
Teem Ohkawnor: glad to hear it
HaNiCoMb: i'm actually surprised you weren't like that
HaNiCoMb: with all that bugging that i was doing
Teem Ohkawnor: hah
Teem Ohkawnor: ehh what can i say
Teem Ohkawnor: more people you meet more you learn
Teem Ohkawnor: i've learned alot from you
HaNiCoMb: what could you of all people . . . have possibly learned from me of all people
Teem Ohkawnor: hah you like that "of all people"
HaNiCoMb: haha
HaNiCoMb: but really
HaNiCoMb: what could you have possibly learned from me?
Teem Ohkawnor: i learned that sumone's tear isn't worth it unless im here to taste it
Teem Ohkawnor: your pain.. ive lived with it and i don't care
Teem Ohkawnor: because i want to take away everyones pain
Teem Ohkawnor: its hard for me but i can deal with it
HaNiCoMb: i'm glad to have you in my life tim :-D
Teem Ohkawnor: likewise :-)

Tim you TRULY are a gift, rather a treasure from heaven. I am so glad that I am (of all people) fortunate enough to have found a treasure as great as you. I really do owe you the world this time. I love you! =D

2002-12-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . VERY tired . . .
|Hearing| Color Everywhere - Youth Asylum
|Tasting| See's Chocolate with toffee =D
|Smelling| Christmas tree STILL . . .
|Feeling| Relieved . . .

Well I just got back from the annual Halau Christmas Party and this year was pretty kewl. We got there a little late and had a "casually late" entrance going on. I thought that it was actually pretty funny. We got there and sat down and started to eat. We ate and then Uncle Jim made the announcement that the musicians were going to play a couple of songs and that they wanted the dancers to go up and dance. They went by class and eventually we were last. I had to dance at least three times. One time with the beginning girls, and then another time with the advanced girls, and then again with the boy, and then again with Auntie Kehau who didn't wanna dance by herself. After that we did the gift exchange, but we wanted Auntie Kehau to do hers first. She opened the scrap book and then opened the quilt. The quilt came out REALLY nice. They had a whole dedication for me for doing solo at the competition this year. After, all of the alaka'is and the ho'opua were helping pass out presents, first to all of the babies and then eventually to the wahines and mom's. Everyone got theirs gifts and I got a Tommy Hilfiger bag and a frame (Thanks Francine! =D) and I love it. After I came home hoping to call dad and go Christmas shopping today so that I wouldn't have to worry about it later. Ended up he was at school and he wasn't gonna be able to go today, which kinda made me upset because I had to ditch grandma's birthday thing today to go shopping and I ended up not even going. I felt kinda bad when I told grandma that I had to come straight home after the Christmas party. Well we're supposed to go tomorrow after hula, so I guess it'll be okay. But that means that I've gotta finish all my homework tonight. Darn it! =/ Well I guess I'd rather just do it all tonight then have to worry about it tomorrow. Well I guess I better get started then. I'll be blogging a little later on . . . I still have a lot to say . . .

2002-12-07T09:18:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . Lazy . . . REALLY lazy
|Hearing| Color Everywhere - Youth Asylum
|Tasting| Strawberry Pop-tarts
|Smelling| Christmas tree still . . .
|Feeling| I-R-R-I-T-A-T-E-D and at the same time relieved

Gosh Jason yer the best ;D.

HaNiCoMb: i don't know . . . i'm too nice . . . too vulnerable . . . too UNselfish
CsLoSeR619: yeah
CsLoSeR619: but thats whats great about you...
CsLoSeR619: just some people...
CsLoSeR619: exploit it
CsLoSeR619: and u just gotta cut that off
CsLoSeR619: dont let him dont let anyone do that
CsLoSeR619: exploit take advantage same thing
CsLoSeR619: but dont anyone do that
HaNiCoMb: thanks jason :-)
CsLoSeR619: hah
CsLoSeR619: your welcome
CsLoSeR619: anytime
CsLoSeR619: cause ur strong u dont have to take that
HaNiCoMb: but it's so hard
CsLoSeR619: yah
CsLoSeR619: i kno
CsLoSeR619: but its ok cause i still love ya:-D

Thanks Jason =D It really does mean a lot to me.

Although now I feel relieved I feel kinda sad too now. My Jayson is leaving me for the holidays to the P.I..

mxGFORCE4: mahani
HaNiCoMb: yes?
mxGFORCE4: good bye
mxGFORCE4: i'll see you next
mxGFORCE4: year
HaNiCoMb: keep your promise jay
HaNiCoMb: i love you en have a safe flight
HaNiCoMb: come back to me in one piece :-)
mxGFORCE4: dont worry
mxGFORCE4: i'll come back to you
mxGFORCE4: to matter what
mxGFORCE4: no*
HaNiCoMb: i love you jay :-D
HaNiCoMb: whenever you get bored think of me en it'll make you smile :-D
mxGFORCE4: of course
mxGFORCE4: i love you too mahani!!
HaNiCoMb: bye jayson :-D have a nice flight
mxGFORCE4: bye
mxGFORCE4: have fun
HaNiCoMb: w/o you?? is that even possible?
mxGFORCE4: nope
mxGFORCE4: it's not possible
HaNiCoMb: hahaha i didn't think so either
mxGFORCE4: haha
mxGFORCE4: im going to miss you so bad
HaNiCoMb: i'm going to miss you sOoOo much too
HaNiCoMb: just make sure you come back
mxGFORCE4: not being able to see you for a month
mxGFORCE4: it's just gonna hurt me
HaNiCoMb: don't fall in love with some girl there and never want to come back to me
mxGFORCE4: i will
mxGFORCE4: i'm not going to fall in love with a gurl there
mxGFORCE4: just remember this...your always number one in my life
HaNiCoMb: :-D
HaNiCoMb: i love you jay
mxGFORCE4: i love you hani
mxGFORCE4: i'll always love you no matter what
HaNiCoMb: en you know i'll always do the same
mxGFORCE4: :-D

Have fun Jayson! I love you! I'll miss you lots! Just make sure to come back. =)

Word of the day!
Dissapearded Pronunciation Key (dïs-ûH-pîr-dïd)
1. vanished; no where to be found; lost
2. Mine and Jason's kewl new word.

Well . . . there's so much more today but I'll be blogging all about it a little later . . .

2002-12-06T16:46:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . Worn out . . .
|Hearing| Miss You - Alliyah
|Tasting| Butter popcorn ;D
|Smelling| Pine . . . Christmas tree scent . . .
|Feeling| I-R-R-I-T-A-T-E-D

The word of the day.
Stupid Pronunciation Key (stººpïd)
1. Pointless; worthless
2. This whole situtation! =/

I'll explain LOTS later . . . there's just sOoOo much going on right now . . . But I'm off to my grandma's house . . . It's her birthday today . . . who knows maybe I'll even go and visit Marvin tonight.

2002-12-02T22:21:00.000-08:00

IaMdaBestEb012: i
IaMdaBestEb012: l
IaMdaBestEb012: o
IaMdaBestEb012: v
IaMdaBestEb012: e
IaMdaBestEb012: u
IaMdaBestEb012: !
IaMdaBestEb012: sorry jes had to do it :-D

Gosh potatoe I miss you! =(

2002-12-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

|Mood|sOoOoOo very C-O-N-F-U-S-E-D
Maybe it was nothing? Maybe I'm just over-reacting. Maybe it was just a way for someone to get something that they haven't gotten in a while. What I don't understand is how it can be "just like old times" but afterward, it seemed like nothing even happened. It was just like old times . . . it's the first of the month. I don't know if this was purposely done or if it just happened that way. I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to say how I feel . . . I wanted to just reach out and be able to have it again. But somehow, it wasn't all there. I'm getting sOoOo many mixed signals, and then I find out that there weren't even supposed to be signals, and then I realized maybe it was all just a "moment" thing. Or maybe it was just something to do, and that maybe there wasn't anything that was felt there. But I don't know if there was anything felt . . . at least not by me cuz' I know that that feeling was there. But it was said earlier that it's not what was wanted. That it was only supposed to be this and not that. That it wasn't meant to be . . . but what if it was? Is this supposed to be a sign for me to run away and forget what's inside . . . or to stay and reach out and let all of it come out? How can one day determine all this? How can one day just break something that I've had for a long time? Why isn't any of this making sense? Was there supposed to be something between there somewhere? Or was it just another dream? Another imaginary dream. Was it even anything? Or was I just being a sick puppy, and doing what I do best . . . run back to what I had before? I'm so confused . . . all these questions left unanswered. All these feelings left to just sit there and be "here" . . . instead of "there" with the other ones. I don't want them to just be here. But who can tell me where to properly put them if I don't even know if the others are still there or not. Why has it taken it's toll now? Why am I even feeling this when all of this is in fact "unwanted". How am I supposed to know what to do with all of this! Just throw it away and let everything fall apart like what happened last time? Or be strong and forget what everyone else thinks, what everyone else feels. If you REALLY wanted it . . . you could care less what happens around you. But what I don't understand is what to feel. What if it is nothing? All these unanswered questions and all this on me . . . =( I'm sOo confused. Someone please help me out of this misery. =/

2002-12-01T12:12:00.000-08:00

I hate it when you do that . . . =(

2002-11-30T15:26:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . Worn out . . .
|Hearing| Fast and the Furious! (The boys are watching it.)
|Tasting| Hot cheetos =D
|Smelling| "Happiness" (perfume)
|Feeling| Kinda bummed . . .
I'm really bored and I have nothing to do. Homework takes too much thinking and cleaning takes too much energy, so why not sit and push a bunch of keys and then post it for the whole world to see so that they don't have to be as bored as I am? Just a question . . .
Well I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and it's been kinda hard. It's like sometimes I really know what I want, and others I can't even figure out what to do in my life. I was cleaning my room today (because I HAD to), and I found a cd that Anjo burned for me and decided hey, this could be relaxing. I thought too soon. I remember when he made this cd that this was when there was so much going on with me, and he asked me what songs I liked so that he could burn it for me. It played a couple songs and for awhile it was okay, I was on my way too cleaning and doing fine until it came to #8. I heard the first note of the song, looked at the cd player, sat down on my floor, and almost instantly started crying. I sat there for a long time with my eyes clothes, just tearing. I couldn't help but think about what had happened, and what was happening now. Well that was enough crying for now . . . and then I went looking around online . . . cuz' obviously as you can tell I am bored. I was looking around and I found something . . . that all it did was remind me of what happened again. "my biggest fear is that i might feel the same way for someone that i feel for her. and i guess i dont want to feel that way for anyone." I kept reading it over and over and I guess . . . that it's my biggest fear too. Feelings can change if you decide for them to. Lemme say that agen . . . feelings CAN change, but only if you DECIDE for them to. Lots of things going on . . . too much to think about . . .

I'll blog later . . . there's way too much to think about . . .

My whole life has changed . . . =/

2002-11-28T14:06:00.000-08:00

Song of the moment . . .

Artist: B4-4
Album: B4-4
Title:Endlessly

Late at night you called on a phone,
We talked about the day,
When you found out he was cheating.
You tell that it hurts to the bone,
To trust someone that way.
To find that he was deceving,
And I know I've always just been your friend,
But if you look my way,
I'll make sure you'll never hurt again.

Do you know I exist,
Just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And if you'd only see,
How beautiful you and I would be, endlessly.
I remember when you fell in love,
I could not believe..
That it was not with me
I sent a secret prayer up above,
And put my heart away.
So that you could be free.
And I know that right now you're broken in two,
But did you know my heart's been broken since that day I met you

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And in my sweetest dream,
You've learn to put your faith in me
Endlessly,
Sometimes the thing you need,
Is the one thing you can't see
If you put your faith in me,
How beautiful you and I would be.

Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you,

And if you'd only see
How beautiful you and I would be
Endlessly . . .

2002-11-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . .
|Hearing| What it is to burn - Finch
|Tasting| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Smelling| Turkey and other yummy foods for Thanksgiving!
|Feeling| Really lazy and overwhelmed with thinking about homework . . .

Well it's been a pretty boring week this week. Since today is only Thursday it seems like it's been longer than the only three days that we had to go to school. Let's recap . . .

Monday
Nothing at all Monday . . . didn't go to choir again because I was overwhelmed with trying to catch up with homework that I've been behind on.

Tuesday
Another day of nothing except for homework.

Wednesday
Now today's at least a little bit exciting. Better than those other days. Nothing outrageously different happened at all. It was actually a pretty regular day. It rained making it a little different but there was still a DJ that was actually pretty good. At least better than the usual let's just play a burnt cd that we usually have. He was bumpin' it and we weren't doing anything but dancing in the rain and trying to stay warm. Me, Abby, Cici, and Romy kept walking back and forth from the place where the dj was to where everyone else was in front of the Student Store. It was the wrong day to wear khaki and white. I was running around trying to keep clean while everyone else was trying to keep dry. We eventually gave up on trying to figure out what was going on in front of the DJ and decided to walk back and hang out. We walked back and not too long later Michael and Steven walked over. Walking through the rain and everything. Steven was teasing me saying that he saw me dancing and that now I had a dance partner. After teasing me, he was asking everyone for a quarter, I reached in my pocket and gave it to him. Well at least tried to, Michael was fighting with Steven and said not to ask me for money, cuz' he knew that I would've given him some. I tried giving Steven the quarter and then Michael started fighting with me. Grabbing my hands everytime I tried to give Steven the quarter. Eventually it got to Steven and then Michael started fighting with Steven again, and Steven ended up just putting the quarter in his pocket. Michael gave up and decided not to mess with it anymore. They stayed for a while and Michael asked me why I wasn't dancing with everyone else over by the DJ and all I said was, "Psh . . . dance . . . with them?". Steven started laughing and then Michael did too and they were teasing me and said that I was calling everyone else over by the DJ "amatures" compared to me. After not a while longer they left and I was left alone again watching Larry and Gen cuddle while I wish that I had one of my own to cuddle with. Nothing really happened after lunch . . . the bell rang and it was time to go to class. We went to fifth period History and talked more about some intelligent, brilliant dead people that had wars and more about Europe prosperity en all that. I wasn't really paying attention . . . but I was just sitting and thinking mostly about the four day weekend and how I wasn't gonna be able to see Michael. I guess I was thinking out loud cuz' Katherine heard me. Class ended and me, Katherine, and Gen were on our way to English. Walking on our way there, Katherine had her arm hooked into mine cuz' she was cold and it was actually pretty windy. As soon as Michael was in sight she let go, I wasn't sure why but of course I was bound to find out. She walked up to Michael and asked him if I could have a hug since I wasn't gonna be seeing him for a long time. He smiled and gave me a hug and I wished him a Happy Thanksgiving. Walked away smiling with Gen and Katherine not too far behind teasing me all the way to sixth period. We got to class and had to work more on our research paper that's due before christmas break. Did nothing else really . . . until later on that night that was. Well the bus ride home seemed so long and gloomy. By the time I got home my grandma was already there waiting for me so that she could bring me to my physical. We ended up leaving not even fifteen minutes after I got home and were on our way there. I was really tired but didn't realize how tired I really was until I got there. Grandma signed us in and ended up not knowing what to put on some of the stuff that they were asking for. Called mom and asked her all kinds of questions. After the sign-in me and Grandma were sitting in the waiting room and I ended up falling asleep waiting to be seen. Not too long after I woke up and they called my name, did the regular height and weight. 63 inches and 117 pounds. Regular I guess you could say . . . the nurse showed us to our room and then took me to a different part of the clinic to check my vision and my hearing. 20/20 vision and hearing was impecable. She brought me out a cup . . . and well . . . you get the idea. After all that she brought me back to the room and I sat there for a while waiting to be seen again. Finally Dr. Robles came in and did her thing and asked me if I was purposely losing weight. I told her no and she said that slowly I was losing weight because of unknown reasons. She said that I'm okay for not but that I shouldn't lose anymore weight because then I'd be in the unhealthy part of the chart. My grandma asked about vitamins that I could take and she gave me a long lecture about getting more calcium in my bones and in my body and that I had to start eating right. Well my physical was done and we were on our way home. Got home and did nothing . . . started thinking about what I should do about homework and if I should start doing it . . . but eh. Well it was Wednesday and you know what that means! Minus One Music, but it was one thing to look forward to because Auntie was teaching our class and we were all excited to work on "All I Want" again. We got a lot done and we sound really good. I'm glad how fast we're growing into our voices and in the voices of each other. Well after we told Auntie what we thought of Deborah and of how she taught. Not a little too long later we had our dance class and it was time to dance. We were really happy about the next hour because there was only six of us in the class. I guess everyone liked it a lot better because you can actually see yourself in the mirror and because we got to know Mike a little better. It was really fun. Class ended and we started walking to Jack-In-The-Box to eat something . . .well for me to eat something, Gen said that she wasn't hungry and that she just wanted a drink. It wasn't too long after when Uncle Randy came and picked me and Gen up and I was ready to go to sleep. I was full and I wasn't planning on doing anything. I stayed online for a while and talked to a bunch of people, got tired and asked my greatest friend to call me so that we could talk. We talked for a long time and then got off the phone, and I didn't realize how tired I was until I actually got into bed. I was really tired.

Well not today is thanksgiving and I'm here at Auntie Mimi's house, with notta dayam thing to do. And well I'm running out of things to say so I guess that that's about it for now . . .

Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone! =D

2002-11-26T15:26:00.000-08:00

Song of the moment . . .

Artist: Mya
Album: Mya
Title: My First Night With You

Yesterday, was not just another day
Not like before
Yesterday, I saw your smilin' face
Love walked through, my door
One precious moment
Changed my life
One tender kiss
Made everything right
One touch from you
And this world was mine
It was in your arms where I found forever
Chorus
Cried my first tears of joy, last night
Heaven shined a light
All my dreams came true
My first night with you
I felt the sun
Shine so bright on me
Chased the rain from my heart
Through the storm
Through the darkest night
I found my brightest star
One magic moment
Made one magic night
I fell in love
With one look in your eyes baby
I never knew I could feel so loved
Darling, in your arms
I could feel forever
Chorus
One precious moment
Changed my life
One tender kiss
Made everything right
One touch from you
And this world was mine
It was in your arms babe
Where I found forever and ever
Cried my first tears of joy, last night (last night I cried)
Heaven shined a light [Heaven shined a light]
All my dreams came true
Cried my first tears of joy, last night (cried, tears, shined)
Heaven shined a light
All my dreams came true
My first night with you.

How I felt the first night . . .

En somehow . . .

. . . 733 77717 511 1104 . . .

2002-11-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

*sigh* . . . I'm sorry . . .

I always am . . .

2002-11-24T11:01:00.000-08:00

eRrGgHh man . . . I don't know if I'm supposed to be really REALLY hurt . . . or just really REALLY sad. Or maybe both . . . either that or really REALLY pissed off. I mean . . . I don't understand! It's like . . . some people take some things way too like . . . literally. Wait, I don't think that that's the right word. I don't know! I'm just so bothered by all this stupid fighting over stupid shit going on. It's like one moment I'm helping someone over the stupid fucking easiest shit in the world and then they start complaining like a little bitch that they don't get it, and that I'm not helping them. That's bull shit cuz' I've been busting off my ass to try and help them and they're doing is whining! It's like their way or no way . . . and I'm tired of putting up with that stupid attitude. I'm also tired of having to be the one that always fucking puts my guard down first to say sorry, when I didn't do shit! I don't do anything but help you and all you do is treat me like shit. I don't get you sometimes . . . I ALWAYS help you . . . I'm ALWAYS there for you . . .and all you do is take advantage of me. You always expect me to do things for you, to help you with everything, and then when you don't get it you blame it on me and make me feel bad for something I didn't even do. And now you're telling everyone that it seems like I don't care for you anymore? That's fucking bull shit . . . if I didn't care about you then why the hell am I always asking you what's wrong. And then all you do is tell me that nothing's wrong and that there isn't anyone else to take advantage of, and all you do is take advantage of me. I'm so tired of all this bull shit that you put me through . . . don't you GET IT! I'm hurt . . . and all you're doing is hurting me more . . .

2002-11-23T09:01:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Tired . . . Just woke up
|Hearing| Give It To You - Jordon McKnight
|Tasting| Nothing at the moment
|Smelling| Dog . . . Nate's sitting in my lap again . . .
|Feeling| Kinda bummed en lonely . . .

Hey hey hey . . . Long time no blog. Well I think the reason why I haven't blogged in so long is because I really haven't had time. I don't even know why I'm blogging now, I should just be doing my homework or working on my packet for Lord of the Flies or something . . . but I guess I'll do that later. I thought I was gonna have the opportunity to sleep in again today, but eh . . . I guess not. People here just wake up too early.

Well this week hasn't been anything special. Nothing really happened other than the regular school day.

Monday
Didn't go to choir cuz' I don't think I had time.

Tuesday
We had practice at Romy's, well, we didn't really practice, most of the time we were playing around making "our flower" and pushing Gen into the piano. All in all we did get something done but the rest of the time we were playing around, eating Gen's nut things that she bought and messing around talking about boyfriends and guys. Practiced When You Think About Me since we haven't practiced it in so long. Totally forgot our harmony parts and then started dancing. Cici said that she wanted to change the dance steps so that they were "louder". I really wanted to change it to so that we could be more full out and more "sexy". Well after practice I chilled at Gen's with her cuz' my family was at Auntie Mimi's. Called my mom a little later and then came home. Didn't do anything but homework and then go to sleep.

Wednesday
Well this was supposed to be our Minus One Music day. We went and weren't very happy. Uncle June was there to greet us but didn't stay too long because he had to go and run errands. So we met the new, I guess, "management". And I don't know, I don't really feel comfortable with them. After all that stress about being under new management and everything, me and Gen were sitting at the side trying to figure out what was going on, and while she was signing us in I was reading a flyer thath said that payments were gonna be do, and also that re-registration had a fee. So looks like it's gonna be more money. Now I'm not really even sure if I even wanna sing there anymore. Even with the deal that we have. Well ON TOP of all that, Deborah taught our class. That's when I really didn't feel comfortable. We've been singing with Auntie Irene for so long, and now it's like a total change of instructors. I REALLY don't feel comfortable singing in front of her. Especially on how she was criticing us! I know it's only constructive critisizm, or at least it's supposed to be, but she's CHANGING how we sing. She keeps telling us, everyone tells us, "you guys have to find your own type of singing, you've gotta develop it", and now it seems as if all she wants us to do is sing like her. I don't know, I don't mean to be mean or anything, but I really don't like how she teaches. Seems as if I'm not the only one that seems to think that. Cici and Romy and Gen were all pissed when she started talking about how we sing, and how we sound. Well uh . . . let's look on the brighter things . . .

Thursday
Well Thursday was CCD night, and the stress on trying to finish History homework. Well CCD, again we had a very good session. I think we do everytime that we have CCD. Said peace to everyone and then open prayer. And than wrote a little bit . . . we were to write down the question, and then make two sections. The question was, "Things I don't understand" and then the two sections were "In my faith", and "In my life". Here's a couple of things that I did for each.

Faith
*Why GOD decided to give us forgiveness.
*Why GOD has yet to come back and save us.
*Why we have the opportunity of reconciliation.
I know that this list isn't that long, but here . . . take a look at this list.

Life
*How to love without hurting someone/something
*Why one person can love another so dearly and do anything for them
*Why people hurt each other (is it really the id?)
*Why there's hate in the world
*Why he *ahem* loves me so much
*Why he hurt me . . . =/
*Why my family has to suffer through everything
*Why things aren't always the best
and *Why people can be so caring

It just gives me something to think about. CCD is more of a religious awakening, well that and for me to think about life itself, and what I don't understand and how the achieve understanding of it. Well after we made those lists, we were asked to do another writing assignment. "What role does my faith play in my life? And what's the significance of it?" Here's my entry for that.

Naturally my faith plays a big part in my life. Because of the recent chain of events that have happened to both my family and I in the past two years, it's been really hard. Faith that I have in GOD and in myself have become stronger. Although it seems as if everyone struggles, we get through it. Slowly . . . but we do.
Well . . . enough about that stuff . . . what else is there to blog about?

Friday
Well uh . . . what happened Friday?

1st Period PE Time to play volleyball again. We skipped crunches and push-ups today since we wanted more time to play our games. Me en Michael didn't talk all that much, mostly just making fun of each other and laughing. We played his team first. It was Michael, Jhonny, Larry, Abby, Vera and Greg. Obviously we won that game, and they went back home. We then played the team of all white people and it was a VERY close game. Actually I think we tied. Then we had to pick numbers and Richard was our representative and we won the half win. After, I was totally tired and then remember it was Friday so I had to take my clothes home. Walked with Gen until we got to the guys' locker room and met up with Larry and then ended up waiting for my cool friends (Denard and Martin) to walk and talk with me. Ended up being late again for class because of the stupid long walk from PE to the bungalows.

2nd Period Spanish What did we do in this class? Oh yeah we had to watch this video thing of some person named Cristina Saralegui and then answer questions about her talkshow. After that we just watch "A Bug's Life" special edition. En espanol! Hahaha, well after me en Gen met up with Michael and walked to third period together while Michael took my Spanish book and Gen took my Algebra book. Then I was on the way to the wonderful world of Chemistry.

3rd Period Chemistry Well as a daily routine Michael teases me right before Chem and tells me to have fun. And all I say is, "yeah right". Said hi to coach and as always he complemented me on being the "little/nice shadow" and earlier in the week he wished me luck on the Chem test that I had to take. I actually ended up doing really good. New lesson and for once I actually understood it. Nothing new in here . . . Spencer did his daily, "Let me blow in Mahani's face again".

4th Period Algebra Another day of agony from the teasing of everyone that sits around me. But it was Anne's birthday and we all wished her a Happy Birthday. There wasn't as much teasing today as there usually is, I wonder why . . . or actually . . . I don't.

Lunch Well Friday @ lunch step performed. After step drill performed. Kinda sad that I wasn't one of the girls spinning in skirts and falling on the floor to perform. But I figured hey . . . there's always next year. I'm determined and I really think that I'll try out next year. Well after drill everyone was bored because they didn't play any music or anything so it just went back to being a regular lunch with nothing exciting going on. I was sitting on the table watching Larry and Gen cuddle, and sat there . . . just thinking. Not doing much talking or laughing or anything, just watching. I sat thinking and daydreaming of how things could've been a lot different . . . but since they aren't, there isn't really anything I can do. Felt kinda bummed . . . didn't really feel anything else.

5th Period History Good lecture today as usual. Learned more about some old dead people and the great things that they did and discovered. Also about how they killed other people and faught for crowns and for power. Everyone was stressed out about doing notes (including me), but it ended up not being due until next week Wednesday. So no more stress for that class . . . but English was a different story.

6th Period English I didn't even realize how far behind I was in class until after we finished watching the rest of Cool Hand Luke. Got really bored with the movie but that it was pretty cool how I could see all kinds of stuff that I never would've seen before. Class ended and it was nothing but more talking and chillin' until the bell rang. Relief it was to hear the bell on a Friday after 6th period. It meant that I was able to go home and sleep.

Well later on I talked to Tim about nothing in particular and told him about what was going on with school and everything, and then we ended up both complaining to each other on how much we missed the pain and agony of relationships and how we couldn't stand being without them. Well actually we could stand it, it was just a matter of deciding on how to take not having a relationship. Then we started talking about feelings, and how they COULD be changed, but it all depended on if you WANTED to change them or not. Feelings could easily be changed but it was harder decided to be changed then actually changing them. So right about now life sucks . . . and so does loneliness. Tim I really do truly owe you THE WORLD =) Thank you for always being there for me.

Well along with Janus and feeling betrayed, stupid, dumb, sad, depresed, angered, vengeful, pissed, numb, irritated, heated, crossed, poignant, miserable,. gloomy, dense, dim, dull, murky.. all but one . . . I feel as if I have too . . .

Perfect Pronunciation Key (pûrfikt)
1. Lacking nothing essential to the whole; complete of its nature or kind; Being without defect
2. Something I'll never be for someone else . . . =/
Just something I've been thinking about lately . . .

Good morning world . . .

Welcome a new day . . .

2002-11-09T07:53:00.000-08:00

HaNiCoMb: so you're sorry for falling in love with me
OH5HITizjostin: i dont know

That just really hurt jostin . . .

2002-11-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

|Mood| Really just . . . Blah . . .
|Hearing| Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
|Tasting| Fruit Punch Kool-Aid
|Smelling| My lotion (in attempt to get rid of that stupid hospital smell)
|Feeling| Eh . . . It's a long story . . .

I'm REALLY not sure how it all happened . . . but here it goes . . .

It was only maybe two days ago or so, when I started to feel back pains. Really sharp back pains. I started complaining to my mom about that and we came up with the conclusion that it was nothing but soreness from playing volleyball at school. So she massaged my back and I went to sleep on a hot pad which made it feel at least a little better. Well a couple of more days started coming around, and I realized that I had to go to the bathroom a lot, a lot more than usual. My back pains started to get worse and I started to have frequent headaches that didn't go away like they're supposed to. So yesterday eventually rolled around and I didn't feel good at all. First period I didn't feel it all that much cuz' I was forcing myself to ignore it in order to play volleyball and win our games for our undefeated winning streak. We ran on the track too and I did force myself to forget about all the pain. So P.E. was over and then I started to feel it again during Spanish. Then I started to ignore it again because I had a test on my vocab and did nothing but study. So after that class I went to Chemistry, I'm pretty sure I didn't feel anything in this class either, all because I'm too scared to be behind (and yet here I am at home missing Chem. =/ ). It started to hit again during Algebra, I didn't really talk and laugh as much as I usually do because I was too busy having a headache. We learned a new lesson but I didn't do too much work because I was too busy massaging my head. Lunch eventually came around . . . and I had a really bad stomach ache . . . well really not stomache, more like pelvic. I thought it was because I hadn't eaten yet, so I asked Jostin to buy me lunch and I ate, but I ended up being still hungry (something I'm hardly ever), so I thought that that might've been a little unusual. Michael took my books from me as usual and I went to History. Usually I'm really awake and into discussion in this class, but it seemed really different today. I almost fell asleep and I started to feel sick . . . I didn't really think about it again until English. When I go into English, we're supposed to do 10 minutes of reading. That whole 10 minutes I was sitting with my head down, feeling warm and having a head ache. Everyone asked me if I was okay because of the way I was acting, really it was only because of the way I was feeling. Stevy asked me if I was okay, he seemed really concerned, I told him that it was just a headache and that I'd be fine. EVEN Mr. Larson asked me if I was okay, I told him that I wasn't feeling all that great. We got out of the class and Jostin knew, or at least thought that something was wrong. He kept asking me but I had no explanation either for myself or for him, I told him not to worry about it and got on the bus. I sat by Krystle but we didn't have much conversation partly because I didn't know what to talk about, but mostly because I wasn't feeling all that great. So I came home and went straight onto the computer. I talked to Michael and Jostin for a while, and then realized that I felt kinda warm, feeling a fever coming on. Michael told me to get off and rest, which I eventually did. Jostin and I had a very interesting conversation, mostly arguing and then I really didn't feel good and told him what was going on with me. So I got offline and then layed down. I told my mom that I didn't feel well and she felt my head. "You do feel warm, let me take your temperature." I layed down on the couch and then stuck the thermometer in my mouth. I sat there for a while massaging my head because of the giganting head ache that I had. Mom took it out a couple of minutes later and realized that I did have a fever. I started to complain about my pelvic pain and my back again that came hand in hand with my fever and headache. She called a doctor's office really concerned about it because she said that it might be a bladder infection. It all went downhill from there. In the matter of hours I was sitting in the ER waiting to be seen. They called my name, took my height, weight, blood pressure and all that good stuff. They made me go to in the bathroom and pee in a cup (Gross!). After a long hour that seemed like hours, I was called up again and brought into a different portion of the hospital. We were put into a room they did the whole stethoscope thing and checked where exactly it hurt. My bottom left pelvic area. The doctor also thought that might've been either a kidney or a bladder infection, which it wasn't at all. With my back pains in such various places that's the last thing that it would've been. She then had a very concerned look on her face and came to the conclusion that it might've been my ovaries. Although my urine did test negative for any kind of anything, my blood cell count was fine and normal, and so were my inflammation levels. She did a follow-up on my ovaries. And it was VERY painful. I felt like crying. Then she came up with the bright idea of doing x-rays. So then I was sent to a different part of the hospital again. Dressed into a gown after putting on all my clothes again and layed down on a cold table to be x-rayed. She took one picture and it was over, I could then put my clothes back on and we returned to the other room that we were previously in. This was where the boring part was. Me and mom sat there for a long time, then she left me for a while to make some phone calls. So I sat there in the room laying down with my gloves and my jacket with a bunch of blankets that they gave me earlier and my pillow under my head. I layed there while mom was making calls and then looked at the time and realized how much I must've missed at Minus One that night. Although I wasn't really that concerned about me I knew everyone else was. I asked mom to call Jostin to tell him that we were still in the hospital and that we were just waiting for test results and that I was okay. He sounded really suprised when she called because I guess he figured that it'd be me that would've called. So I guess he ended up calling everyone else and telling everyone how I was. I was glad that I called though, at least we weren't fighting en it was nice to hear a friendly voice, a familiar voice. So there we were, me and mom sitting on the hospital bed waiting for some results. I tested negative for everything, well that was for the time being. Later on today or tonight I've got to do a follow-up with my own pediatrician. So we were at the hospital for about 4 hours, almost 5 and we finally came home. I came online hoping to tell someone that I was alright. I was talking to King and he was really concerned, and Kevin, who was asking me to call but I didn't have the energy too. Mom said that I needed rest and I got offline and went to sleep.

One hell of a night wasn't it?

Well I woke up this morning . . . at about 7 and immediately picked my mom's phone. Called Gen and told her that I was okay, she was really concerned too and told me that she was crying. I asked her to get my clothes from my locker today since I wouldn't be going to school and to tell everyone that I miss them and that I said hi. She said that she'd be sure to do that and that they'd be calling me later on today at lunch. Which I was really happy they would be able to do. Got off the phone with her and got up out of bed. Walked to the living room and saw all the boys, grandma walked in not too long after. Everyone left to either drop off the boys, or to pick me up some cranberry juice. I was home alone for the time being and I went online. Anjo was on! How happy I was to be able to talk to him again. He asked me if I was at the hospital and gave me his concerns and told me the good news about him with making Varsity for his most favorite sport ever. I told him to make a couple of shots for me because he left me a little while later for practice. I was glad to hear about him and how well he's doing in Iceland. Then Kevin came on and told me to go to school, I wasn't really able to tell him the long story about what happened last night but told him that I wouldn't be going for some obvious reasons. He left not too long after for school. And now I'm just sitting here blogging . . . not really having anyone to talk to because of the fact that everyone else is at school. So I'm sitting here missing everyone and feeling like crap. I'm drinking lots of cranberry juice and lots of water. So don't worry too much about me guys . . . I'll be fine =)

2002-10-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . . Much ;D
|Hearing| When You Think About Me - One Voice
|Tasting| Pizza . . . pepperoni
|Smelling| Air Freshener that mom just spilled all over the floor
|Feeling| Tired . . . but actually quite happy =D

Woke up too darn early! eRrGgHh . . .

Well this week was actually a pretty good week for me. Everything was cool and everything went well with everything else. Let's recap . . .

Monday: Short day, and probably the only day with drama the whole week. But I really don't wanna talk about that . . .

Tuesday: We didn't do anything this day I don't think? We went to Auntie Mimi's house and ate with a birthday cake cuz' it was Auntie Annie's birthday. Besides that I was stuck at home studying all night and doing homework.

Wednesday: Our usual weekly lesson at Minus One Music. We showed Auntie our routine and everything and she said that it's actually pretty good. After we started our new song. "Can't Help Falling In Love". We wanna be able to do it acapella and nicely. Auntie also talked to us about the Christmas show in December and asked for us to perform. She also asked to learn another acapella, a Christmas song of our choice. We were thinking about it for a long while, and didn't decide until later on that night. Hmm what else did we do? Nothing else really . . . we didn't really have a dance class on Wednesday because they were rehearsing for Sunday and the show at St. Charles. Instead we were sitting most of the time watching and talking. We stayed there so much longer than usual practicing and watching. We got to see the little kids dance and they were also rehearsing for the show tomorrow.

Thursday: CCD night and we didn't really do anything but Icebreakers again. Got to meet some new people. Dean and Chris, both of them are really cute, but they're so quiet! Me en Krystle and the other Krystle and Melanie were all talking. I met Ray again, well kinda. I always see him everyday at school and then finally did again yesterday at school walking to sixth period. Exchanged hellos and walked on. We did writing but I can't remember the writing prompt. I think it was scripture. Yeah it was. We had to define it in our own words. I can't remember what I wrote but it was pretty hard to define. Got to talk to my greatest friend and see what was up with him, he walked me to the car gave me a hug and then walked home. Nothing else really . . . pretty fun day at CCD.

Friday: Yesterday wasn't all that exciting. Just another school day, just another day for me to walk by myself to half my classes. Got our grades fourth period, and I think I did really good . . . well except for the D I have in chem. Everyone got their grades and I seemed to be the only one that didn't actually have bad grades except for that stupid D. Well anyway . . lunch was cool . . . event happened but something I don't understand and don't want to talk about right now. Ask me about it if you're curious. My cousin came to visit me today! I was so happy to be able to see her again. I miss her so much and I wish that they would visit more often. She's a dayam colorguard now. Dayam is that girl gonna be buff. LoL I miss you Nik and I wish you would come and visit more.

And well . . . the sOoOo unexciting week and now today just sitting blogging. I had a chance to talk to Tim about what was going on. We really truly do think alike. But yeah . . . I got the chance to talk to Anjo too this morning. Seems as if he's doing pretty good up North. Seems like Iceland is treating him well, pimpin' it as usual. That's Anjo ;D. Well yeah . . . I didn't really have much to say today . . . sOo i guess that I'm out . . .

2002-10-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Like shit . . . again . . .
|Hearing| This I Promise You - 'N Sync
|Tasting| Chocolate Malted Ice Cream . . . Yum =D
|Smelling| Love Spell as Kylie says . . .
|Feeling| Tired . . . and kinda upset . . .

I just woke up from my nap . . . I'm really tired . . .

Well let's see . . . yesterday. I was supposed to go to my show, and I think it was a public show but it was up north. It was last minute when mom said that I couldn't go with Nat cuz' she didn't know her all that well, so I couldn't go with her to frightmare like we planned. I felt really bad cuz' I didn't even know the number and I couldn't call her and tell her that I couldn't go. Mom and the boys left to go to a birthday party down south. And I was stuck home with Dan, but Kev asked me to go to the movies with him. So him and his brother ended up picking me up so that we could go. As soon as they picked me up we went to his house, waiting for other people that we had to pick up to get home. We were just sitting and talking about how everything is at school since we do go to different schools now. After a while we left to go pick up who I think it was his niece. We went to San Ysidro first and Kev's brother and wife were teasing him and saying that we were gonna go to Mexico. But we ended up going to the mall looking for shoes for Kev. Spoiled brat got his brother shopping for his shoes for him. Well we went to San Ysidro went to both the Addidas and the Nike outlets, didn't find the shoes that he wanted. So that was a waste of time, but it was alright cuz' it was nice to go window shopping again. Hahaha. After we were finally on our way to the theatres. Watch "The Ring" that stupid movie is freaking scary. The whole time I was shaking, and then half the time I was hiding behind Kev. I was sOoOoOo scared. But overall it was a good movie. Well after the movie, since Kev's older brother is a freaking big baller en stuff . . . he offered to take us to dinner, but no one was hungry and no one could make up their mind on where they wanted to go, so we ended up not going. Dropped off his niece first and then dropped me off at Gen's. Since there was no one home. Got to Gen's and ran straight to the computer, cuz' I KNEW she was talking to Michael. But before I could even take a peek she closed the window. Man . . . that sucked. While she was online talking to everyone, she was on the phone with Jostin. So I took the phone away from her and me en Jostin started talking. He seemed kinda bummed out but I didn't want to say anything. So I didn't. Well Jostin left cuz' his mom was talking to him, and Gen got offline so I could talk to Michael. So I was online talking to Michael and Jostin . . . being sOo bored cuz' neither of them were talking much. After a while me en Gen got bored talking online to everyone, so we got offline, turned off the computer (half the reason being Auntie Kim came home). We were just sitting and watching some Disney movie, but I've really gotta find out which movie it was. I was sitting on the couch and Gen was sitting in the computer chair blankly staring at the tv. Then we saw something . . . "FAST-FORWARD!" Omg. It was hilarious. Well we got bored, eventually we would do something stupid and then laugh at each other. We were basically running around the house the whole night screaming and then coming back the computer room and dying. Well after a while, we got tired . . .started falling asleep and it was ALL EARLY. Not even 9:30. Gen's mom told us to go into the room and lay down now, not too short after, we were all fast asleep.

What a tiring day yesterday. Now today. Well this morning . . . I woke up, since I was still at Gen's, and I didn't realize where I was. I layed there for a long time just thinking, got a lot of things on my mind. But eh . . . don't wanna mention them now. I woke up, and Auntie Jeannie was teasing me bout my breathe en stuff, so I followed Gen into the bathroom and she handed me a toothbrush. Washed up a little and then got up and called my mom. She was on her way. We hung out for a little while and then left. As soon as we got home I went online and talked to Michael and Gen for a little while, got bored and realized that Michael was really busy and then left. I changed and then layed down with my mom. I asked mom for her phone so that I could call my dad to ask for money for my ticket to homecoming and stuff. He said that he didn't have any . . . he has no money. I don't either . . . =/. En now I'm not so sure I'll be able to go to homecoming . . . let alone pay fer my ticket. Kinda upset right now . . . but I guess I'll over it, or at least find some way through it. Not too long after I got off the phone with my dad did I fall sleep again. I woke up a little later listening to my mom tell me about her plans for the day. Didn't really understand what she said and then went back to sleep. Woke up just now and realized that I was home alone. Walked around for a little bored and stuff. And then came online and talked to Kylie for a little and then he left to go en play CS. So now I'm just sitting here being bored . . . thinking about starting homework . . . and missing someone. So I guess that that's about it for now . . . another long school week ahead of me. I'll cut it short this time, not a long blog today . . . just a little one.

"Ever since the first day I met you . . . I've always loved seeing that smile of yours" Wowie =D I think about that everyday . . . just something for me to smile about =)

2002-10-19T01:01:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . . a lot better . . . at least I'm smiling again
|Hearing| She's Out Of My Life - 98 degrees
|Tasting| Pan de Sal and cheese . . . fo sho! =D
|Smelling| My clean shirt, smells like fabric softener
|Feeling| Tired . . . really tired . . .

So I've learned that love is no possession
And I've learned that love won't wait, won't wait
Now I've learned love needs expression
But I've learned much too late

Such a sad song . . . but anyway . . .

Well it's been a long week of staying up late studying . . . doing homework . . . and worrying about everything else. Well since it's been a while since I've blogged . . . let's recap on the week . . .

Monday - Nothing special happened this day. No choir since it was Columbus day, and I don't blame Ami for wanting to take a break after what happened last week. Oh! It was Chris' birthday. Happy Belated Birthday Chris! I love you! I'm sorry I couldn't be a whole part of the bukadebeppo party, but I know that you had fun. Well Monday was a pretty hard day to live through . . . but I got through it, en I'm living through it day by day.

Tuesday - Nothing happpened on Tuesday, at least . . . I can't remember if anything did happen . . . hahaha =D

Wednesday - Three words, Minus One Music. We had music on Wednesday night. Wednesday's class was to listen to chords and be able to sing them. Man do we suck at that. We WILL get it eventually, but we've gotta learn it. After that we went into our song, this was the day we realized that somehow the music acts as a distraction to us and that we sing our song better acapella. Well then we had the dance class, we finally got to learn well . . . at least half of the "Big Head" song that we've wanted to learn forever. Nothing else really . . . we had fun at class that day . . .

Thursday - CCD. We had CCD on Thursday and it was actually mine en Daniel's first day because we didn't think that we were enrolled cuz' mom told us that we weren't, but we were. It was nice being able to hang out with everyone and see everyone again. Well it was my first class and we did lots of icebreakers. One that I totally love and thought was hilarious. We had to stand in a circle, and then eventually sit on each others' laps. All of us. It was hilarious . . . we had fun. After deng my greatest friend didn't even wait for me to say bye or anything. It was nice being able to see everyone again. Me en Nessa had the longest hug ever and I saw my June and she said "I miss you my Manani". Man do I miss that girl too. Saw Raymond who looks really good and who seems to be doing good at Morse. Vance and Jr are still the same and Shar cut her hair. So many memories and so many old friends.

Friday - today . . . well yesterday. Just a regular school day
-First period P.E. - Had fun today in this class, got to play these annoying girls and got to hit them with the birdy. When it was my turn to sit out me en Vera were watching Michael play with his little victory dances and his little jumps and late reactions. It's really funny.
-Second period Spanish - I don't know how I got talked into this class. I thought that it was all good cuz' I got to transfer out of my other Algebra class, but we don't do ANYTHING in this class. I feel so not challenged . . . I'm always siting there doing nothing cuz' I'm sOo fast compared to everyone else in that class. But I guess it's just an easy A for me.
-Third period Chemistry - Well this class I feel like I'm doing okay. We got our tests back and I guess I did pretty good. I was so mad at myself for the stupid little mistakes that I kept making. But hey, I figured that there's always the next test . . . maybe I've just gotta study more. More studying . . . damnit . . .
-Fourth period Algebra - This class I know I'm doing fine in. Math is probably my favorite subject, well it was English until someone I know told me some horror stories about my teacher. We got our tests back for this class too. A B- . . . not as bad as I thought, but also on stupid mistakes.
-Lunch - Lunch today was pretty cool. Michael hung out with us all lunch and we talked, well kinda. We were really just playing around most of the lunch talking about nothing in particular and sitting, eating fortune cookies. He left for a while to go and get Homecoming tickets, and then came back with Steven since I guess the line was really long. On Monday that's probly first thing that they're gonna do. I told him to wait anyway cuz' I forgot my money for my ticket. He offered to help after the long story I told him yesterday, but I said that it was alright and that I got it. He left again with Steven to go and get food since he hadn't eaten yet. He offered fries to everyone and everyone ate except for me. He started begging and then realized that he had another fortune cookie. He put it in my backpack since I was being a brat and wasn't accepting it. *sigh* . . . well here goes the bad part of lunch . . . Jostin got mad at me cuz' I wasn't talking to him, en I felt bad after I thought about it. He picked up his stuff and left. =/ I'm sorry Jostin . . . eRrGgHh sOo much drama . . . enough of that . . .
-Fifth period History - Lots of debates again. Added on to the dissapointment of our behavior yesterday with the sub. But enough of that . . .
-Sixth period English - This class is pretty cool. Got to read more of Lord of the Flies and got to learn about some stupid kids that beat and murdered a man. This is really sad news but I don't understand how attornys can actually try and protect these kids! I need to become a lawyer, get sent off to law school and fight these stupid people.

Long day . . . long cold day . . . it was really sweet of him to offer his jacket . . . and I've got PSATs tomorrow . . . well I mean later on today . . . Imma hit the sack . . .

Get my 4 hours of sleep on . . .. hahahahaha

Good night world . . .

2002-10-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Bummed . . . en at the same time grateful
|Hearing| I Wanna Love You Forever - Jessica Simpson
|Tasting| Hershey's Kisses
|Smelling| Glade plug-in (not sure what scent)
|Feeling| Tired . . . sore . . . and left out . . .

Ordinary Sunday. Nothing happened. I woke up this morning and realized that my puppy was gone, I figured out later that my mom took her to get groomed. She looks really different now and she doesn't even look like a puppy! She looks like a rat. Well she got her haircut and clean, she looks like a totally new dog.

Woke up, felt like crap once again because of this stupid monthly visitor. Man does it suck to be a girl.

Well . . . I was supposed to go to Fall Fest with Gen today, but realized that I didn't want to have to mess with all the emotional pain that I'd have to deal with. So, I didn't. Instead I stayed home and read. Almost totally done with my book, and it's getting really exciting. It's so sad . . . I don't understand how one person can live through so much agony. Then again, I did go through some stuff myself. But anyway . . . that's beside the point.

Well Jostin and Kim are together now. I'm happy for you guys =) and I wish you guys the best of luck.

Went to hula, didn't dance all that much because I had a hard time even walking around. I didn't get to see Andrew today because I left early, but I told Nat to tell him that I said hi. Lots of new people, but I didn't see them today. I guess they go on Thursdays. Well hula was pretty kewl . . . nothing new, but I know that I've been missing out on a lot of stuff. I'll be coming back as soon as I can gain control of grades and of school and of D-R-A-M-A.

Well I'm really hurting right now . . . not only physically but also emotionally . . . too much to explain and I don't have time right now . . . en I've gotta go en do my homework . . . or at least start on it . . .

Good night world . . . I hope that you life is so much better than mine . . .

2002-10-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Unexplainable . . .
|Hearing| Work It- Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliot
|Tasting| Country Time Lemonade
|Smelling| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Feeling| Sick and tired . . .

Nothing much happened today. Actually nothing happened today. We were supposed to have practice but it ended up not happening, Gen couldn't go, Cici was going out with her dad somewhere, and Romy ended up just having JR go to her house to spend time with her. I basically just slept all day with nothing to do. Went online a couple of times throughout the day. But really nothing special today. Didn't do anything but sleep and chat.

Got a chance to talk to Anjo today. Man do I miss him. =( It seems as if he's doing pretty good all the way up in Iceland. I really do miss him though. I felt really bad too because all I was doing was complaining to him how everything isn't at it's best right now. But I really do miss him. One of my best friends taken away from me because of the stupid service. Don't worry Anjo, we'll see each other again someday.

Well I've been kinda down all day. But thanks to so many people that I know, it doesn't seem as gloomy. Besides the fact that I've got this stupid monthly visitor, feelings haven't been straight out lately. They haven't been the best either. Life seems as if it's going by so slow and so badly at times like these. I'm glad that I've got really good friends to make my life sunny again. I've been thinking a lot lately, and with the help of Tim (I owe you the world Tim), I've made up my mind. I'm getting over all of this just like I promised myself I would. I know it'll hurt, but how am I ever gonna get through this? I've gotta deal with this now, and my mind is set. I'm getting over it. No more bull shit, this is it. I just really hope things change for the better and not for the worse. I know I'll miss the feeling, I know I'll miss the person, but it's time to move on. For the both of us, I'm living through it. I'll get through it.

Right now all I need is someone who really cares about me to just hold me and tell me that everything's okay. Not to mention the clubbin' scene and the big jacket ;D Right? Of course of course . . . =D.

Just needing someone right now . . .

2002-10-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . .
|Hearing| Sponge Bob Square Pants (The kids are watching TV)
|Tasting| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Smelling| Gen . . . I'm wearing her sweater
|Feeling| eHhHhHh . . .

Well I'm here, chillen with Gen at her house. We just got done practicing and Romy and Cici just left. SO bored . . . well hmm . . . let's reflect on the day.

Yesterday me and Gen wanted to go to school today . . . S-C-R-U-B-Y. We were talking about it last night and all I could say was, "but dayam . . . gotta look good . . . for Michael =D". Hahaha. Well, we all went in jeans today, kinda casual and really comfortable. Then today at practice we all decided to look scrubby on Monday. But we'll just have to wait and see about that. Well hmm today . . . nothing really happened today. Usual, walking around by myself to half of my classes. Being bored and trying to figure out what to do. Well hmm . . . let's do a recap of the classes today.

P.E. - We had our stupid sit-up test today, and I did really bad. I usually do better, but since I've got a monthly visitor this week . . . I haven't exactly been in shape. Playing badminton is really fun, especially when you get to hit people. =D We lost our game today, but luckily it didn't count so it really wasn't a big deal. I just can't believe some white girls beat us today. Really bad too.

Spanish - This class is just way to easy for me. I didn't do anything but sit and stare at everyone who wasn't doing their work. They had a project that they had to do. Five sentances using Estar . . . and five with Ser. So totally easy and all I did was get my "Cultura" project from my other Spanish class and use that. Since it has so many uses of Estar and Ser.

Chemistry - Learned a new lesson today about the three part element atoms. Did lots and lots of practice and that was really something that I could understand so easily. Nothing really new, got to talk to Colin, that boy cracks me up. He talks too much. Well, since we understood the lesson so well, we didn't do all of the practice and went straight into doing other class homework and whatever we wanted. I started reading my novel for Larson and I totally got into it. All kinds of bad stuff in that book . . . with the sexual desires and everything.

Algebra - Well halfway to Algebra I met up with Michael who came out of some anonymous class in the 400 building. We walked together and walked into the class, we didn't talk much but it was nice just being able to walk with him to class. Nothing new in this class, we just started the Chapter Review which I finished in class, so thank goodness, no more homework that I've gotta worry about in that class. Me and Anne were playing around most of the class arguing about the answers to the problems and then asking this little white kid sitting in the other row. Class finally ended . . . but eRrGgHh he left me. Right after the bell rang, he was out the door . . . leaving me with Anne. (No offense Anne.)

Lunch - I kinda spent all lunch thinking about what was going on with everything. Didn't really talk to anyone in particular, but I waited most lunch for Michael to come over so that we could talk. I leaned on the table most of the time just looking down at the floor trying to figure out everything that I could control. I stood there trying not to make eye-contact with anyone without having them worry about me. Jostin was really concerned, he kept touching me, asking me what was wrong. LIke I could really tell him . . . I don't know . . . Well Steven walked by, hit me, waved hi while Michael was behind him hiding from me agen. They eventually came back and we talked, only for a little while, cuz' the bell rang. We walked farther than yesterday to my fifth period but before he left me he told me that he switched his classes so that his last class was in the bungalos. Which really sucks cuz' I don't even get to see him afterschool anymore. I get to talk to Michelle afterschool but besides that, I hardly spend time with him. Well he told me, walked me halfway and then left again.

History - We had a very good discussion today about Greek philosophers calles Sophists. Weird but yeah, it was very interesting. After history, the three stooges (Me, Gen and Katherine) were walking to English, and on our way, we hear "psht psht". I look up and see Michael. I smile wave and then continue walking. I wish I could've stayed and talked more, but we're already almost late everyday to class. I regret not even making the effort now that I think about how we didn't really talk today. Well English.

English - Ever since I told Gen the horror stories about Larson, she's been totally traumatized and she was totally not able to even look Larson in the eye. Talked more about Sigmund Freud's theory on people and chose what we were. Me and Juliet were the only ones who were Superegos, but yeah. More reading and that's about it.

Well school was pretty regular . . . nothing really happened today . . . just kinda down still . . . but it's alright . . . I will get over it. Well that is . . . if I can . . . =/

2002-10-08T19:49:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . . a lot better
|Hearing| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Tasting| Pizza from Mike's Giant's Pizza
|Smelling| Cheese . . . gross
|Feeling| eHhHhHh . . .

Well things are better . . . I guess you could say, but enough bad stuff.

Well yesterday, during 5th period, I was sent the office for reasons unknown. I sat in the office for about half an hour before my counselor could actually see me. She was in a conference with another student. Well I was sitting outside with this girl, she was fairly pretty and she was there before me. Then another girl walks in, she's not all that good looking, but yeah, they were both blond and white, I don't know what I expected. Well I got in there, and she told me that my Algebra class was overcrowded and that they wanted to transfer people out. I was so glad to switch, but I'm so lonely in my Spanish class. I don't know anyone in my Spanish class, NO ONE. I miss everyone in my old Spanish class. My Algebra class is pretty cool since I got to switch out and I don't have to deal with SOMEONE anymore. Well hmm . . . besides that . . . nothing at school is different.

Didn't really get a chance to talk to Michael much today, too busy running and he was too busy recording my time. How embarassing . . . Gen thinks that coach did that on purpose, I guess she knows . . . but who knows. I have no idea. Well after running we were supposed to be playing badminton, but I got lazy and I was already in pain, so me en Gen saw Chrissy sitting down doing nothing and started to bother her. While we were sitting down we were just watching other people play, and it's sOoOoOo funny. Especially Michael, I didn't mean to really stare, but I was sitting there just watching them play. He does this little victory dance after they score a point, it's sOoOoOo cute!!!!!! It's really funny too. I started laughing quietly and Gen was confused and asked me what was going on. I told her about Michael and how he does his little dance after, and we were watching after a while, and they scored another point, he did his little victory jump dance thingy and me and Gen were rollin'. We were DYIN'. But it's still oOoOo sOoOo cute. And then Chrissy was the confused one, I sat by her real quick and told her about the little dance. All three watched and when he did it again we were all laughing. It was sOoOo funny. Well after, I didn't get a chance to talk to him. So I saw him walk away and I walked with Rich to second period and then walked to my new second period after I transferred out. I didn't see him all day except for at PE . . . that was until lunch. I got there all early because of my new 4th period class. I passed by Greg and he asked for me to go en hang with them and I said sure and put my stuff down. Ended up I didn't even walk back over there to talk to him after. I was just sitting there waiting for everyone to get to the table. I was just sitting there and there was this big space from where I was sitting to the end of the table. Just sitting there . . . looking at nothing in particular, not really talking to anybody, Michael walks up. He waves and we exchange hellos. Abby and everyone else sitting on the other side of the bench decide to torture me a lil. "Look at that big empty space ready and waiting for you to sit on it Michael, right next to Mahani." I'm not sure if I turned red or anything but I was so embarassed. He smiled at them, and then at me, and then sat next to me. We talk about nothing in particular and Vera walks up. "Hey Bie is try outs today?" I already know that they're talking about badminton, Michael's sport. His face lit up when he found out that they were playing today. Everyone at the bench where he usually hangs out was totally empty. "Today's not try-outs, they're just playing." I looked at Michael and his anticipation to go. "Go, it's alright . . . I know you want to." I smile and look at him. He looks at me with a suprised expression, "Are you sure? But that's not cool, I promised you today . . . " "It's alright . . . just go." He finally agrees and leaves with Steven while Abby says that Michael's cheating on me with Steven. "Oh yeah, that's my boyfriend" Steven says immediately touching Michael affectionately. I see Michael glance over, snap, and then not say anything, and then smile. I sit there laughing, happy and sad at the same time. I watch them walk away then stand up impatiently trying to find something that'll keep my mind off everything. I sit down and lean on Abby while she eats her Doritos and we all burn in the hot sun. Gen comes back from working and has hot cheetos and nacho cheese. She walks over, puts her stuff down on the table, and then looks at me. "Let's go!" I'm standing there all confused as I start eating her chips. She picks up her borrowed Algebra book and starts walking, I quickly follow after understanding where we were going. We didn't find the owner of the book and we walked all the way over there for nothing, but that's okay. It was a nice walk. We walked back as I continued to eat Gen's chips as they slowly dissapeared. I see Steven and Michael walking back from the gym as we start walking back to the table. Apparently we walked a lot faster than they did so we beat them. I saw them again as they started to approach us. Steven walks before Michael gets to me . . . gives me a thumbs up . . . and then walks away. I stand there confused as Michael finally reaches me and starts complaning that he was sweating. "You weren't playing for that long . . . deng all hardcore." I started laughing as I started to complain about how my hands were sticky cuz' of the nacho cheese. The bell rang not too long after, and I was just standing there talking to Michael. He walks over to the table, takes my backpack off of my books and says, "Man look at all that weight that you've gotta carry around." "I know . . . " I say as I start to pick them up. "Where are you going right now?" "You ask me that every lunch," I said sarcastically. "Well yeah ... can I walk with you guys?" "Yeah sure . . . =D". We start walking and talking and half way he turns around to go to physics. We wish our farewells and I told him that I'd talk to him later. We didn't talk much today . . . hopefully tomorrow.

Nothing else . . . nothing special happened today . . . just the usual . . .

2002-10-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Same as yesterday . . .
|Hearing| My Boo - Ghost Town DJ's (Wishing I had my own boo . . . =( )
|Tasting| Hershey's Kisses!!!! Chocolate =D (You can't have none Gen =P)
|Smelling| Chocolates in my mouth . . .
|Feeling| Like shit . . . even more shittier now . . .

I know I didn't finish yesterday's entry . . . sorry . . .

Well . . . bad stuff . . .

I really . . . I don't know what's going on with me . . . I'm so confused . . . and hurt . . . it's like . . . I can't control what I feel. I'm sOoOoOo overwhelmed with everything going on. I don't know . . . I guess you could say that I'm a control freak, I thought that I could control everything my feelings being only one of the many that I had in mind . . . but that's something I've having the hardest time controlling. I'm sOoOo stupid . . .that's all I have to say for now . . .

Well try-outs were today for the "Star Spangled Banner" and we were first. I think we did pretty good except for the FrEeEeEeEeEe. But I don't know, who knows if it's good enough for us to do it at the actual game. But yeah . . . we'll see.

Well I better go . . . the boys are being punks and they're kicken me off . . . I promise to finish this tonight tho . . .

2002-10-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Either hurt . . . or sad . . . or bad . . . or maybe all three
|Hearing| Next Time- Pinay
|Tasting| Fruit Punch Kool Aid
|Smelling| Nothing at the moment . . .
|Feeling| Like shit . . .

Well let's start with happy thoughts first.

Practice went really well at Gen's today. Well after all the changing and switching back of clothes and everything. Before we started practice at Gen's, we went to Abby's, check out her wardrobe and figure out what we really wanted to wear. We tried on so many different dresses, and outfits, and skirts and everything. Half the time I was wearing this really nice lavender dress with a see-through long jacket, it was really nice. Romy, Gen, and Cici had on these other brown dresses with patterns, those were really nice too. After lots of struggle, lots of taking off clothes and putting back on different clothes, we finally went with the original idea of the khaki and black. But it was really fun trying on all of Abby's clothes and trying to figure out who's gonna wear what. Well as soon as we decided that, we thanked Abby and left, walked down a couple of houses and got to Gen's. Practiced the "Star Spangled Banner" so many times I thought that that stupid song was gonna be leaking out of my ears! We practiced and practiced and practiced . . . then we decided to do the whole presentation and introduction and everything.

2002-10-06T10:27:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . . Well . . . kinda . . .
|Hearing| Here I Go (Remix) - One Voice
|Tasting| Fried eggs, rice, and spam
|Smelling| Cucumber Melon
|Feeling| Like crap . . . I've had a stomach ache since last night . . .

*Sigh* . . . Life SUCKS . . .

I say it again . . . life sucks . . .

Well practice yesterday was quite productive. Which is really good . . . we have practice again today at Gen's. We still don't have our wardrobe done, at least not that I know of, but we'll figure it out later. My mom says that we SHOULD be wearing red, white, and blue. They are patriotic colors, but I mean, how can we wear that and look nice at the same time? Whatever. We practiced "When You Think About Me" yet again, and we changed another part of the chorus since the kick-punch thing just wasn't working. We started learning the break down, and I think I have it down it's just sOoOoOo fast! We'll have to practice that at another time, today it's all about the "Star Spangled Banner". Tomorrow's try-outs, wish us luck. I really hope that we do get picked, because then Shattered Innocence will be "exposed" and who knows, we might be heard around. Well with the try-outs, Zelly mentioned to me a talent search thing for a talent show coming up. She said that try-outs were in a month, maybe two, I don't think we're ready right now, but if we do work at it, I bet you we can try-out. Just to get experience if we don't make it. Which will be good for us. Seems like we're moving along, maybe slowly, but we're getting somewhere. Well more about yesterday, practice was at Cici's and -AwC- was playing at Jostin's, so naturally, I wanted to go en hear them. Turns out they were freaking loud enough to hear from Jostin's all the way to Cici's! I could stand outside and hear them all the way up the street! Well not too long after Romy came were we practicing, Jostin calls. Gen answers and Gen and Cici don't wanna go and tell them that we're practicing. Romy just lazy to walk up the hill. We were trying to video tape us so that we could see how the routine was going. Jostin ended up talking to Cici and eventually convinced her to tell us to go up there cuz' they said that they wanted to play for us. Everyone all irritated cuz' we wanted to tape the routine, we put all of our stuff away and walk up the street. Cici brings the video camera figuring that we could tape -AwC- playing. We were walking up the hill and came up with the idea of singing and walking at the same time. So we start singing . . and as we get to the steeper part of the hill, Gen starts laughing out of nowhere. I stand there and turn around totally confused on what was going on. Turns out I wasn't the only one having a hard time singing and walking uphill. Everybody was out of breath by the time we got to the corner of the street. It was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S. Well we got to Jostin's, and we starting making all kinds of weird noises, playing around and acting like dorks as usual. They guys were playing outside, doing some stupid jumping thing, and then they decided to do the whole stand in a line and make it like a pulse jump thing. That was funny, Cici has it all on tape. After the guys played around for a while, we were complaining for them to play because that was the whole reason we went up there, to listen to them play. They finally got back to there senses and started playing Last Summer. A song that I've heard probably a million times, only this time, it was different. None of us have ever heard Martin sing with the band before. So this was our first time. Man, can that boy sing. All loud an stuff. Martin is the best . . . I wish I could sing like him too =D. Well they played two songs for us, Last Summer and one of their originals. I liked it a lot. When they were playing . . . we were mostly playing around. Me, Romy, and Gen, Cici was too busy zooming in on Tim's butt. =D That was fun to look at! Hahahaha. Well I got to see Tim again, we didn't really have a chance to talk all that much yesterday except for online. Jostin seemed pretty okay with stuff going on, but if he didn't he seemed to hide it really well. We were practiced a little while we were at Jostin's, and Charlie started harmonizing with us. It was pretty kewl. I liked it. After the playing around, and after the band playing, we said our goodbyes and walked back down the street to Cici's where we practiced more and more. Mostly on "When You Think About Me". I get to sing a part of the song that we totally forgot about until me en Gen were talking Friday on the bus. They figured that it could be my part cuz' I'm the only one not singing twice. I thought that it's pretty kewl to have a part I get to sing by myself, but I've gotta learn it. I just keep singing the same thing over and over but they said it was aryte because no one'll know the difference anyway. But I really wanna get it down, I've been listening to the song more than usual now. Even if I am really . . . REALLY tired of it. Well practice is going good and so is S.I.. Something to keep us out of trouble and away from boys =D . . . Yeah right . . .

Lots more to say . . . I'll finish later . . .

2002-10-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Better . . . at least a little
|Hearing| Goodbye- Jagged Edge
|Tasting| Dragon-Fruit Capri Sun
|Smelling| Bobbi Brown Lip Gloss I just put on
|Feeling| Nothing at the moment . . .

Last night was really rough. I know that yesterday I said no and everything, and that I said that things wouldn't work out. But at times like these, I wish I would've rethought it. I know I say a lot of stuff, but I don't know, I guess it's lying. Not only lying to other people, but to myself. I'm really, REALLY not sure why I was crying so hard last night. I really don't even know why I couldn't even ask some simple questions that Jostin was asking me. I figure now that it's all cuz' I was too hurt to say anything. Too hurt to even tell him that I was hurt. The weirdest thing is, I didn't start crying until after they got home. I was talking to Rich and I asked how the movies was, he said he had fun (en I'm pretty sure that he did). He asked why I didn't go . . . and when I started thinking about it . . . it tore up my heart. I told Rich what I thought it was, and it was, in fact what happened. Of course no one would ask me to go with them if they knew that someone else was going. It hurt me even more that he was talking to me like he knew that they were all going, and didn't want me to go. Rich was talking to him on the phone and I already knew, it didn't bother me at that time, but it did later on. All he asked me was, "Are you going to hula tonight?", and that was it. No mention of if I was going, no mention of if GOG was going . . . nothing. I was hurt so bad . . . I really didn't say anything to anyone, I didn't mention it to Gen either. I didn't know if I was going to, and I had no intention on doing so. So they came home, and I ignored him a little while I was online, then I figured that I had to get this out, or at least talk about it with him until it got worse. I was talking to Rich for a while and then decided that I wanted to get off. So all I did was tell him to call me. I wanted to talk about it, but it wasn't until we were actually on the phone that I realized that I didn't wanna talk about it after all. I didn't even wanna tell him that I was crying. But then it came out no sooner than when the conversation started. Before he called, I got off, lied down and started crying. My heart felt like it was crushed and that it'd never be able to regain control and live again. It's a really long story . . . I won't be able to finish it now . . . maybe a little later . . .

ur not the one
but ur the only one
that can make me feel like shit

*Ouch* ='(

2002-10-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

|Mood| Eh . . . =(
|Hearing| Differences- Genuwine
|Tasting| Lemonade Kool-Aid
|Smelling| The Glade plug-ins that my mom just bought.
|Feeling| Water falling down my cheeks . . .

Well I decided to start this new blog thing, Xanga was starting to make me mad cuz' it was taking too long to load. Either that or my computer is just really messed up.

School started and is now in session, I HATE it. It sucks. I mean I really do enjoy being around my friends and everything, but sometimes I feel like it's not where I belong. Like i belong somewhere else. Anywhere but there. I figure I'll get used to it eventually. Well with the new school comes new friends. Met a couple of really cool people who are really nice about everything. I never realized how easy-going some people can be. It's only the end of the fourth week of school today, and I'm already dreading going to school everyday. Nothing really exciting happens at school. Same ol' same ol'. I miss everyone that goes to Morse now and Anjo in Iceland. It's so different without having some of my closest friends so far from me. I have Jay at school but I hardly ever see him. Everyone at "our table" is great, but it's nothing compared to how much I miss everyone else. My grades are fine I guess, nothing big probably A's and a couple of B's. Really concerned bout Chem. I have no idea how I keep A-cing those tests and quizes in that class. Algebra's a drag, I feel like such a loner in that class. Spanish is alright cuz' I've made new friends and I've got Joe in my class. Lunch is the best, the best break-time of the day. I get to chill and talk to Michael. Which is really cool, because I figure at least we're friends. We've been talking a lot lately and it's been really cool to know that at least I've made one new friend. History is really boring but I love the class. Our teacher is really boring but you can learn a lot from him. All we do is argue half the time in that class, but it's alright cuz' they are meaningful arguements. English is the best class I think. We have fun talking about some weird stuff and Mr. Larson is really cool about everything. Plus I get to read. I love reading and a lot of people think I'm weird for it, I also really like to write, and I figure in English it'll be a class for me to express myself in. Afterschool can be the worst sometimes, walking around trying to find the stupid bus. Trying to find someone else to talk to at the same time. But hey, that's beside the point.

Homecoming is less than a month away and I've already got a date. It's really weird if I think about it, cuz' I really didn't think that Michael would ask me to homecoming. Plus, it was only the fourth week of school, and we only met . . . what three weeks before. Or not even. It was two weeks. Well anyway, I was really happy although stupid Steven spoiled it for me. But I think he spoiled it for me a long while before I even thought about going to homecoming. It was probably the second week of school and I didn't even know who the heck Steven was until I found out by Cici. "He's Stevy's older brother!" oOoOoOo, well now I know who he is. Well here's how it went . . . we were chillen at lunch and some guy (Steven) was sitting at our table with someone else (I forgot who else was sitting there). But everyone was talking about homecoming, and Steven stands up, turns to me and says, "I know who you're going to homecoming with". I'm standing there like thinking . . . ::Who the heck is this guy and how does he know me and I don't even know who I'm going to homecoming with . . . why should he?!:: I was sOoOoOo confused. I guess he knew that I was cuz' he goes, "Yeah you're going with the homie Michael." En now I'm standing there thinking, ::Ok really, now who is he and how does he know about me and Michael?! We're just talking and we're just friends! Does the whole world know about me and Michael now?!:: I stood there . . . looked and him and then smiled. I didn't know what else to do. As soon as he left I stood there, while everyone else was sitting down and asked everyone. "What the heck!!! Does the whole world know about me and Michael?!" I stomped my foot and then sat down, still trying to figure out who the heck Steven was. Well that was the second week of school. Let's fast-forward to the fourth week of school. I was standing there, in my "old-lady" sweater as Dan called it, and thought about Michael and everything going on. He walked by and said hi, and then I thought nothing more of it. I took out the letter I wrote for him a couple of days before and was holding it ready to give it to him. Steven walked over and stood by me. (By now I knew who the heck he was.) "So is that a letter to Michael?" Again, Steven had brought up Michael, but this time I thought that it was kinda . . . I denno, different. Well me and him started talking and he asked how I was and all that. Then he started talking about homecoming again. "You know he told me that he wanted to go to homecoming with you." I stood there appauled, not knowing how to react, what to say. "You're messing with me right? I mean, he didn't tell you that did he?" "I swear to GOD." It was either the seriousness in his voice and face, or the fact that he wasn't lying to me that made me just stand there. "Well anyway, I'm just telling you now, so that, you know, you have time to think about all of it. Well c'mon, I'll go with you right now to give him the letter." Walking behind Steven I can hear everyone at the table cheering, *Go Hani!* *Wow, she's finally going to go and talk to him*. I turned around, smiled, then continued and followed. As soon as we got there, I stood behind one of Michael's friends (I think it was Johnny), since he was sitting on the bench talking to his friends and his friend was standing up, a kind of "indirect" approach. I took the letter of my finger and threw it at him. "Damnit!" I missed. It flew all the way behind the bench and I finally walked around the circle of friends and bent over the bench and stared at the letter, trying to figure out a way I could get over the bench without hitting someone's backpack or making myself look stupid. Steven walks over, already laughing at me and says, "I got it." He climbs over the bench, gives the letter to Michael and we walk away. We get back to the table and I thank Steven for walking me back and forth, he walks away and I stand there trying to figure out how to keep myself busy. Cici walks over and we start talking, playing around and acting like dorks as usual. Next thing I know, I can see from the corner of my eye, Michael walking over. I stand there stunned as Cici starts teasing me. Holding up my letter he walks and then says hi. We exchange hello's as CIci slowly walks away wanting to give us time to talk. "So you're going to homecoming as I hear right?" "Yeah" I say nodding. "Well yeah, so am I." "Okay . . . " I stand there a smile. He stands up from leaning on the table, scratches the back of his neck, shuffles his feet a little, and then says, "So can I go with you?" "Uh . . . yeah =D" He looked kinda nervous . . . "So wait, is that a yes or a no?" "Yeeeeeeeeeees, goodness =D" He inhales, then exhales. I stand there and look at him kinda confused. "Whew . . . now I can breathe". I stand there laughing, he looks up and smiles. We talked the rest of the lunch about nothing but me and him. How he loves to tease me and make me feel bad. And then on top of that, laugh at me. Well yeah . . . that's how I got asked to homecoming . . . and I guess I have a date now. I'm glad that it's with him =D.

That's the highlight of my week . . . the question that got me a date to homecoming.

Well actually, it was my highlight until I realized how much it hurt someone else I knew. I knew that just talking to Michael was already hurting Jostin. I felt really bad after cuz' I realized that Jostin, did in fact tell me that he wanted to go to homecoming with me this year. It bothered me a lot that it hurt him, and it also bothered me a lot that he told me how he felt. But I really don't blaming him for the way he felt, it's how he felt, I can't change it. This week hasn't really been the best week for mine en Jostin's friendship, it seems as if we're growing apart . . . which I hate, but that's a long story. Too long for me to type now.

ErRrGgHh . . . I don't know what's going on with me. I mean I'm happy for like . . . all that stuff going on, but I also know that it does hurt me. I don't know . . . someone just please tell me what's going on . . . tell me what I'm feeling . . . I'm just sOoOoOo confused. =/ 46007 771151 471111 71114 064 1104 3904 1 . . . 7117507

Shattered Innocence up and running. Well . . . kinda. We were doing good . . . for awhile . . . and then things started to get in the way. Cell-phone bills came in, mom's told us that they didn't want to pay for lessons anymore. Our voices are fine, it's just that all of us are having a hard time keeping up with the payments . . . and also the time. We hardly practice and the time that we do put aside for practice, we don't practice half the time. Try-outs are on Monday, that means we've gotta dress up, (Damnit!). Well we're trying out to sing the "Star Spangled Banner" for the homecoming game, and I think, as far as anyone knows, we're the only group trying out. Hopefully we'll be able to practice tomorrow. But we'll see how that goes.

Well there's so much more to write about . . . but I won't write anymore. Sorry it's so long, I just had a lot so say and I haven't really had time to write any of my thoughts down.

Something I just found . . . on Marvin's info . . . I like it . . . a lot.

An "I Love You" card... $2.99
A dozen roses... $19.99
A box of chocolates... $5.99
Falling in Love... priceless

A misunderstanding... One tear
A lie... 10 tears
An arguement... 20 tears
A broken heart... Too many tears

Just a way of expressing myself . . .